................

I hate.

Busted

Oh crap. Someone found out about my blog. Yikes. And I was caught talking about that specific person whose name I should not mention.

Anyway, I dont think its such a bad thing anyway. Assuming this person is one of the important people in my life. So yea.

Having said all that, IF in the remotest possibility that you are reading this, which I dont think you might given the fact that I said I havent written in ages which would imply that I may or may not be writing much... This aint really a blog. Its like a journal. Its not private cause one day I might forget my password at least I get to view it. Hmmmm... And its just me spilling my errr guts out?

I mean, really? Would you wanna hear my rambling about what is going on in my life anyway? So yea. I'd guess not. This is where i SOMETIME ramble my thoughts. Come to think of it, IF you are one of the important person in my life, wouldn't it just be logical for you to actually listen to me ramble? I mean... For me to talk about my day to... About my ups and downs...


Shit.

Now it got me to thinking. That is right. Absolutely right.I guess we have been fairly distant. Despite seeing each other everyday, we don't speak to each other. OMG. Now I feel lonely. I am trying to recall. The time when we used to speak over the phone. And asks each other about our day.

Now.. there is no more, calling just to say I miss you, and obviously no more I love yous. I'm having cramps as I type. Its me who hasn't seen it I guess. The only I Love Yous are replies which were swallowed when uttered. There isnt even a Bye anymore.

Probably I am asking for too much. I dont know. We're gonna talk on Thursday. I should keep an open mind. Perhaps. Insyaallah.

If this post is busted too...then.. fairwell blog.

I have been thinking about you. I just forgot how to log in... I am using the old laptop now actually. Cause I kinda put it on bookmark. Its not on my Macbook. :(

Till then...

Abuse

Abuse comes in many forms. Physical, mental, emotional...

Why am I putting up with this?

Grrrrr

I dont know this feeling! I hate it!!!!! Why do I have to go through this? I dont like it not one bit. Maybe I should make a decision. Like pronto!

I smell fish. Or fishes. Anyway, what can i say? I cant say much now can I? Grrrrr i will roar once i get pushed over my limits.

I feel like screaming now. I do. I hate uncertainties. It makes me feel like crap. Sigh.

Till then.
:'(

Hey Square One! Again!

Since my last post, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Daily fights that is causing major distractions and recurrent heartaches. We're not gonna make it. In fact, it ended last night. Despite everything that happened, I miss him greatly. That is normal I guess. Insyaallah I'll be fine. I am so weak right now. I am vulnerable. I am in a lot of pain. Emotionally. Mentally. And physically tired. I'm knackered.

At least we tried. With both hands and feet. Its just that I wasnt what he desired. Thus, I dont see the point in trying to make things work when they just aren't. Its probably like fixing a broken glass. The flaws and cracks will always be seen, and yet it is still susceptible to just shatter in pieces. Or in other words, just like an unstable chemical, that may lead to explosion.

I am not ok.

i love it when we're cruisin' together...

Back again. Anyway, I am on Cloud9. And I am happy. Alhamdulillah. Although, yes I need adjusting. Its probably not gonna be an easy ride. But I am ready to try. Since I have..hmmm.. leaped? Leaped into this relationship with the person who is making me smile while typing :)

I am glad he is making this easy, for the both of us. Like I said, it should be easy. No games. No beating around the bush etc. I'm loving every second of what I'm feeling right now. Although, hmmm... talks about future does give me goosebumps but I am slowly accepting the idea. Insyaallah.

I dont know where we're headed. But we're on our way. :) May have stolen that from someone. hahahahah But i mean it. Ok thats all for now. I am missing him soooo very much right now. Cant wait to see him soon.

xoxo

Just the way you are

Pressure. Its kicking in now. I guess this love is not easy after all. Maybe, just maybe, it will end before we even realize it.

Often times... hate is more genuine than love. Self explanatory.
Why am I sad? Well, the fact that the word "love" means very little to some. Easy come, easy go.

I have been running away from all this crap. Right back where I started. Maybe, there is something about me that triggers him off so easily. I will drive him away, eventually. What is the point anymore. Really. Manage expectations. That is easier said than done.

Maybe I am not in love too. Its crazy. This is crazy. I'm digging my own grave.

I always bounce back. Each time it hurts less, I guess. I should stay numb.

Till then.