As mentioned previously, I have been on a house-hunting mission. It aint easy. Especially since I couldnt get the blessing from mommy. It was an emotional day for me on Wednesday. I sobbed and rubbed my eyes profusely. Yea I sound like a spoiled brat I know. But then again, its just so easy to judge me. Yes, what ever you see is practically just a show. What I want the world to see. Whatever and however I feel is not the concern of the world. That is between me and God.
Anyway, I rubbed my eyes which led to a tear. Not the contacts, but my eye. Left one. Pain as hell. And it was the colour red.Blood red. Not so glamorous. Haih. Since its an open wound, any exposure to lights would hurt like hell too.But Im good now. Alhamdulillah.
And yesterday, Abang had to go for a minor surgery at Prince Court. His sinus was really bad and blocked his whole system, on the right side i think. Chronic sinus. Way past acute. Alhamdulillah he is fine too now.
So yea, this is the year end. Things havent been great on my side. Despite all the holidays and travelling Ive been doing. So, in conclusion, I havent found that happiness yet. Not in travelling nor shopping. I guess, on hindsight, travelling is my way of escaping reality. Living a few days in a dream. Then, when I come back, reality hits me hard, in the face.
Ive had a tough year. A challenging one. Not that it should be easy. But it was not all a happy one. I cant say I cant wait for 2011 so I could start fresh. Im scared as hell Im gonna ruin it again. And history repeats. Life goes on. What can I say? That is just the system. Take a breather. Put it all behind me.
Life is a journey they say. I am going through it now. So yea. Its been rocky. I just want a meaningful and fulfilling life. Insyaallah. Ameen
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
A day indeed
Today has been a pretty weird day. Well, I came to work with an unexpected Telco report thanks to TM and Maxis' announcement last night. The announcement was mainly a pact between these two telcos on TM providing last mile access for HSBB to Maxis. Hence, Maxis is coming out with something similar to TM's triple play-UniFi. The clause of the agreement I believe suggests that Maxis is expected to add more value as compared to TM's UniFi thus, no direct competition.
This is positive for TM cause it will boost earnings from Wholesale business as it is also servicing YTL's YES!. Having said that, TM will not have a monopoly on the HSBB market going forward. This is positive for the sector but we may see some canibalisation of UniFi. UniFi is at an advantage thanks to its affordable pricing but slow rollout. Maxis, may capitalize on its sister company Astro and will probably gain more interests amongst customers.
Ok. After allll that, I continues my house-hunting project. It really aint easy I tell you. First of all, they ended up asking me, "bumi' or "non-bumi"? that irritates the hell out of me. Well, I dont believe in that. A Malaysian is a Malaysian. Period. What Bumi? Ish. So yea. And then, it got intense. I told mommy about my plans and, "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" i got shot!!
From left, right, back front top bottom u name it. She mustve covered all angles of which I always managed to have an answer in return. Then, her reply would sound "Yea, you're the smart one right? You're the analyst" Ouch! I am sure that was sarcasm. Even Stevie Wonder could see that I'm the least smart in the family. Oh well.
I am turning 27 you know. i NEED a sense of accomplishment. And ownership. As of now, I have nothing. Except for my car. So yea, It was emotional. I cried and cried and practically sobbed my conversation over with mom. It was hard. She didnt understand why I needed to get a house. Not solely for moving out. Just so I could feel something. Like I have and own something. Thats it. It aint easy. I am turning 27 in a month and 10 days time. My love life aint going anywhere. Not that Im looking. Its just that I need to buy a house. Period. I am not even expecting them to get me one. Oh page, I hope you get where im coming from right?
So, guess what the temporary comclusion is? I was told to buy my dad's condo. My bachelor pad. One that I couldnt afford seriously. I dont know. I feel lost. Ive never been more confused in my life right now. I need Allah to give me the strength in deciding. This is a commitment. I know.
And then, I was summoned to have lunch with Datuk Tony Tiah along with Li Hsia and Patricia. It was also unexpected. Boss told us at like 9am? It was pleasant. Of course I was nervous as hell. I had "Oh crap! Was i caught facebooking during ofc hours?" "what did i do?" "shoot shoot shoot". Apparently Datuk just wanted to tap our minds on plans for the company. What do we see ourselves in for the future? More like strategy planning. Phew. What a relief. But it was really nice.
Anyway, who knows whats gonna happen later today huh? We have another 8 hours till the day ends. Emotionally, I dont thin kI can handle anymore. Enough as it is. Im dry. Im tired. Lets hope for a better half a day today.
xoxo
This is positive for TM cause it will boost earnings from Wholesale business as it is also servicing YTL's YES!. Having said that, TM will not have a monopoly on the HSBB market going forward. This is positive for the sector but we may see some canibalisation of UniFi. UniFi is at an advantage thanks to its affordable pricing but slow rollout. Maxis, may capitalize on its sister company Astro and will probably gain more interests amongst customers.
Ok. After allll that, I continues my house-hunting project. It really aint easy I tell you. First of all, they ended up asking me, "bumi' or "non-bumi"? that irritates the hell out of me. Well, I dont believe in that. A Malaysian is a Malaysian. Period. What Bumi? Ish. So yea. And then, it got intense. I told mommy about my plans and, "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" i got shot!!
From left, right, back front top bottom u name it. She mustve covered all angles of which I always managed to have an answer in return. Then, her reply would sound "Yea, you're the smart one right? You're the analyst" Ouch! I am sure that was sarcasm. Even Stevie Wonder could see that I'm the least smart in the family. Oh well.
I am turning 27 you know. i NEED a sense of accomplishment. And ownership. As of now, I have nothing. Except for my car. So yea, It was emotional. I cried and cried and practically sobbed my conversation over with mom. It was hard. She didnt understand why I needed to get a house. Not solely for moving out. Just so I could feel something. Like I have and own something. Thats it. It aint easy. I am turning 27 in a month and 10 days time. My love life aint going anywhere. Not that Im looking. Its just that I need to buy a house. Period. I am not even expecting them to get me one. Oh page, I hope you get where im coming from right?
So, guess what the temporary comclusion is? I was told to buy my dad's condo. My bachelor pad. One that I couldnt afford seriously. I dont know. I feel lost. Ive never been more confused in my life right now. I need Allah to give me the strength in deciding. This is a commitment. I know.
And then, I was summoned to have lunch with Datuk Tony Tiah along with Li Hsia and Patricia. It was also unexpected. Boss told us at like 9am? It was pleasant. Of course I was nervous as hell. I had "Oh crap! Was i caught facebooking during ofc hours?" "what did i do?" "shoot shoot shoot". Apparently Datuk just wanted to tap our minds on plans for the company. What do we see ourselves in for the future? More like strategy planning. Phew. What a relief. But it was really nice.
Anyway, who knows whats gonna happen later today huh? We have another 8 hours till the day ends. Emotionally, I dont thin kI can handle anymore. Enough as it is. Im dry. Im tired. Lets hope for a better half a day today.
xoxo
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
.
Its been a tiring month altogether. Not December per se. Just the past 30 days. I have been entangled with a lot of issues surrounding me. Seriously, I cant have any more crisis next week, my schedule is full. Having said that, I believe, my miscalculation of steps was partially attributed by low energy level no thanks to inadequate sleep.
I lost some balance in the midst of things. I will need to recover from this tiredness. I feel weak. Really weak. I have trouble waking up in the morning, for like almost everyday. I have been late to work since last week. This is not good, at all. First, it was also physical. I have been running. Or walking. And I have been cutting down on sleep. My average sleeping hours daily are like 3-5hours. This only points to 3-5 hours lack of sleep per day thus, my lethargy. Hence, I have been cranky, snappy and overly emotional. It also doesnt help the fact that I mistook things that were not supposed to be misunderstood. That was a great mistake. Probably a grave one.
I got used to having someone's company, someone I enjoy talking to, sharing with. And this is a person, I should have kept at arms length from the very beginning. The relationship already had clauses that were practically crystal clear with huge disclaimers probably painted in bright red. How could I have missed that sign? Oh I didnt. I decided to go against it. Well, just like the O&G industry, "exploration stage" may either bring you great returns of untapped resources or crap. I got the latter. So, now I have none. No more conversation with this particular person. Or most likely, no more contact.
What can I say? I am good at ruining things. Which is why mommy freaked upon discovering the issue. She was right. I should have handled my expectations better. Which I didnt. Whose fault is that? No one but mine. I am tired now. Tired of weeks of excitement over surprise messages, or calls. Now, it is certain. Probably engraved in stone. I screwed up. But then again, why should I be upset over this? That was basically expected of me. Maybe too, I am disappointed for not surprising myself. Always the rule, never the exception. He is just not that into me? No. He is just NOT into me. Period. Miscalculation? Spot on.
Take a breather. Move on. Easier said than done. But I will bounce back. I always do. No matter how deep I cut myself. It heals. Time heals? Maybe. I dont know. It will work out, one way or another. Insyaallah.
I lost some balance in the midst of things. I will need to recover from this tiredness. I feel weak. Really weak. I have trouble waking up in the morning, for like almost everyday. I have been late to work since last week. This is not good, at all. First, it was also physical. I have been running. Or walking. And I have been cutting down on sleep. My average sleeping hours daily are like 3-5hours. This only points to 3-5 hours lack of sleep per day thus, my lethargy. Hence, I have been cranky, snappy and overly emotional. It also doesnt help the fact that I mistook things that were not supposed to be misunderstood. That was a great mistake. Probably a grave one.
I got used to having someone's company, someone I enjoy talking to, sharing with. And this is a person, I should have kept at arms length from the very beginning. The relationship already had clauses that were practically crystal clear with huge disclaimers probably painted in bright red. How could I have missed that sign? Oh I didnt. I decided to go against it. Well, just like the O&G industry, "exploration stage" may either bring you great returns of untapped resources or crap. I got the latter. So, now I have none. No more conversation with this particular person. Or most likely, no more contact.
What can I say? I am good at ruining things. Which is why mommy freaked upon discovering the issue. She was right. I should have handled my expectations better. Which I didnt. Whose fault is that? No one but mine. I am tired now. Tired of weeks of excitement over surprise messages, or calls. Now, it is certain. Probably engraved in stone. I screwed up. But then again, why should I be upset over this? That was basically expected of me. Maybe too, I am disappointed for not surprising myself. Always the rule, never the exception. He is just not that into me? No. He is just NOT into me. Period. Miscalculation? Spot on.
Take a breather. Move on. Easier said than done. But I will bounce back. I always do. No matter how deep I cut myself. It heals. Time heals? Maybe. I dont know. It will work out, one way or another. Insyaallah.
Monday, December 13, 2010
A new year
Back from Shanghai last week. And it was the start of the Islamic year. Awal Muharram. So I guess this is when I need to reconstruct my life, to be a better person, InsyaAllah. 2010 has been interesting. I wouldnt say it was my best year. It started pretty bleak but yes, it turned out to be quite a roller coaster ride after all.
And now it is about to end. How fast time flies. And it also means that Im turning a year older soon. That is one of the downside of being a January baby. But im not complaining. Alhamdulilah. I can safely say I am content with what I have right now. On my birthday next year, I will be emotional. As usual. Another year passes by and my goals remain as goals.
I need to step up now. Need to change gears. Improve on things that could use some changes.So InsyaAllah I would like to buy a house. That is probably the next step for me now. No more irresponsible shopping and travelling. Yes, I love travelling. But guess what? I'm spending all my money on trips so I could live in a fantasy/dreamland for a week or so, an esacpism from reality. Back in reality, I have nothing. That is sad.
So yea, since marriage is miles away, lets not even think of kids. A house is probably easier. Yes, with or without you, im buying. Thanks Daddy, for demotivating but I am sure this time. Insyaallah.
Life has been pretty tangled this past one week. I need to be off the grid for a bit. Stay out. Need some clarity. Probably driving around helps. And Im so tired. Tired of making people feel better. Tired of being the shoulders. Or the ears. Its been three weeks. Its not that Im being insensitive. I need my s p a c e. Seriously, I have issues to u know, and u are not the centre of the universe. I feel you. I do. Im tired. Thats it. And I work long hours. Please understand where Im coming from.
Dear, I sounded like a bitch there. This sucks. At least no one knows about my blog. And I just realized I posted the blog address on my twitter account. That was at the start when I thought this blog was only for KLSE-related posts. Mustve gotten sidetracked. Now I have removed it. Phew.
And I saw sofea yesterday. That was nice. She is the centre of my universe right now. And I feel loved with her. When she smiles at me, and wants me to carry her. Bliss.
And now it is about to end. How fast time flies. And it also means that Im turning a year older soon. That is one of the downside of being a January baby. But im not complaining. Alhamdulilah. I can safely say I am content with what I have right now. On my birthday next year, I will be emotional. As usual. Another year passes by and my goals remain as goals.
I need to step up now. Need to change gears. Improve on things that could use some changes.So InsyaAllah I would like to buy a house. That is probably the next step for me now. No more irresponsible shopping and travelling. Yes, I love travelling. But guess what? I'm spending all my money on trips so I could live in a fantasy/dreamland for a week or so, an esacpism from reality. Back in reality, I have nothing. That is sad.
So yea, since marriage is miles away, lets not even think of kids. A house is probably easier. Yes, with or without you, im buying. Thanks Daddy, for demotivating but I am sure this time. Insyaallah.
Life has been pretty tangled this past one week. I need to be off the grid for a bit. Stay out. Need some clarity. Probably driving around helps. And Im so tired. Tired of making people feel better. Tired of being the shoulders. Or the ears. Its been three weeks. Its not that Im being insensitive. I need my s p a c e. Seriously, I have issues to u know, and u are not the centre of the universe. I feel you. I do. Im tired. Thats it. And I work long hours. Please understand where Im coming from.
Dear, I sounded like a bitch there. This sucks. At least no one knows about my blog. And I just realized I posted the blog address on my twitter account. That was at the start when I thought this blog was only for KLSE-related posts. Mustve gotten sidetracked. Now I have removed it. Phew.
And I saw sofea yesterday. That was nice. She is the centre of my universe right now. And I feel loved with her. When she smiles at me, and wants me to carry her. Bliss.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Shanghai Curse
Going to Shanghai tomorrow. Ending the year where I started. I have butterflies. Probably because I havent traveled in ages and I sooo need a break. And I am hoping I could stop being stupid. I hope this trip will wake me up. My life is lagging. I need a push. Hmmm now thats bad. Im putting way too much hope on my trip. And it might disappoint me. Sigh. This is what I do. Put myself in situations where I can get hurt. Haish. OK OK no expectations. Shop till i drop. Literally.
Nisaa wanted famous amos. boleh tak? so i bought her three packs of 200gms. That should do it i think. I mean, seriously, how much can one eat anyway?Oh and they have H&M. hehehhehe aduhhhaaaiii there goes :(
so yea..back to my thing.I was so busy this week. Seriously. I havent had a proper sleep in days now. But its ok I guess. Thats what happens to me during peak seasons. I lose sleep. And OMG i was so bitchy today! Cause I am tired. Busy, stressed and under pressure. And i hate those who dont get their facts right! seriously dude. Get your facts right. Ish. Kan tak pasal2 my bitchiness keluar. But I feel bad after that. Tu la kan. Buat tak fikir. Main sound je org.
OK bye bye pad. See you when I get back insyaAllah. Kalau panjang umur ya. Kalau tak, this would be my last entry. Sigh. InsyaAllah Panjang umur. Amin. And murah rezeki. hehehheh
toodles.
eh Assalamualaikum
Nisaa wanted famous amos. boleh tak? so i bought her three packs of 200gms. That should do it i think. I mean, seriously, how much can one eat anyway?Oh and they have H&M. hehehhehe aduhhhaaaiii there goes :(
so yea..back to my thing.I was so busy this week. Seriously. I havent had a proper sleep in days now. But its ok I guess. Thats what happens to me during peak seasons. I lose sleep. And OMG i was so bitchy today! Cause I am tired. Busy, stressed and under pressure. And i hate those who dont get their facts right! seriously dude. Get your facts right. Ish. Kan tak pasal2 my bitchiness keluar. But I feel bad after that. Tu la kan. Buat tak fikir. Main sound je org.
OK bye bye pad. See you when I get back insyaAllah. Kalau panjang umur ya. Kalau tak, this would be my last entry. Sigh. InsyaAllah Panjang umur. Amin. And murah rezeki. hehehheh
toodles.
eh Assalamualaikum
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The end is the beginning is the end
Nothing. I fell nothing. Except that I dread the fact I will have to doll myself up for hen-dinner for Nuha tonight. I mean, I dont mind. I usually love getting all dolled up for an occasion. But after today's event... I feel tired. Abang is sick. He has a bad fever. It breaks my heart to see him like that.
After that, I faced reality. Just like Karma, Reality's a bitch. Karma bites hard. Reality on the other hand, gives you honey-glazed with venom. Ambek kau, After the sweet and lovely feeling the poison starts to kick in. Very slowly.
Oh well. One should pay the price for one's own actions.
After that, I faced reality. Just like Karma, Reality's a bitch. Karma bites hard. Reality on the other hand, gives you honey-glazed with venom. Ambek kau, After the sweet and lovely feeling the poison starts to kick in. Very slowly.
Oh well. One should pay the price for one's own actions.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Stupid love songs
When you're down... and depressed.probably heartbroken..what would you do? Would you:
a)sit and mop all the day
b)go out and spend as much time with friends
c)listen to sad depressing songs
d)eat?work out?shop?
Well, a close friend of mine is that state.. I wish I could help reduce or lessen her pain.. I dont know if im giving her the right advise to begin with.. I mean... Im bad with relationships..thats why none has ever worked out for me.. I'd call in and check on her.. I would try to distract her by talking about stupid things... but i could hear her mind distracted... I would listen to her.. but I think only time will heal.. Their problem is fixable. I believe so. I have the song "everything's gonna be alright" going on in my head when I think about it. i hate breakups. I hate seeing people sad. Well, especially if theyre my friends. Or even people I know. And I guess its the maternal/motherlyinstinct in me that wanna help her sooo badly. I dont know. I hope I'm doing it right.
Life...is crazy. Yes. Its full of ups and downs. But..its amazing how they tend to work out after huge f***ups. But the happily ever after needs effort. And time. and perseverance. and tolerance and compromise. Nothing good will stay good forever unless good efforts are being put on. if its amazing, it shouldnt be easy, they say.
Its also funny how some people, can change overnight. I always wondered what kind of transformation they go through during the night or at least 12-hours prior. When its LOVE we're talking about, I dont know how anyone, could just fall out of in such a short period of time. I mean, its not that I take ages to recover, but Im amazed how you can do it overnight. Well, maybe, thats when they figure things out. Things mustve bottled up over time.
My cousin, too recently went through a bad break up. Left hanging in the unknown. Id get all protective and sisterly cause Im older. But seriously... women shouldnt date boys. They should date men. A real man. Although yes, you'd wanna quote Marilyn Monroe's "If you cant handle me at my worst then you dont deserve me at my best"...seriously, everything takes effort. If your partner has an issue on something about you...'compromise' suggests that you should look into it and try something.. not changing for them per se.. but if change means 'for the better' then why the hell not?
Relationships scare the hell out of me. I believe in true love with a soulmate. Someone you are so comfortable with. The thought of that person would put a smile on your face. Listening to a stupid cheesy love song would remind you of that person. Talking and after-effect of talking floats you about. Never having to worry about running out of words to say cause it never runs dry. Never having to worry if you're no1 or no2. Cause you're always each other's no1. You put each other at peace.
Well, thats what I think. Maybe im dreaming. Reality is different i guess. Life is no sugar&spice. Maybe I will never find "MY NEO" cause no one may ever love me for me. And accept me. I dont know. Im too tired to try. Hence, I avoid getting to know people, especially with the intentions of getting to know me.
i love you babe. And im sorry this is happening to you. I pray to Allah swt to lessen your pain. And to give you clarity. And to patch up your marriage. Insyallah. Amin.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Crankyness
Friday. What a week! I am so tired. I thought if I could push myself running it would be easier to sleep. I was wrong. Aduhai... Slept at 2am i think? Well, the last time I checked my watch it was 0145ish...
Managed to come out with KFC report this morning. Hehehhe my brains are faster in the morning I guess. See chart below :)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
BIG trouble
Today, I was sent for a seminar at MSWG (Minority Shareholder Watch Group) on Investigative Audit and Forensic Accounting. Psycho huh? So anyway, in the middle of the course, I received an SMS from Steve, my senior. Kulim received an offer from a Washington-based company for the sale of QSR shares.
Double whammy. Their offer price is RM6.70, almost 15% more than Halim Saad's offer. Poor guy. He's been unsuccessful on bids and takeover this year. And seriously? KFC Malaysia is a cash cow. And why would we want an American to own that company? Hmmmm patriotism mode now. So yea... that only means I'm gonna be stuck with work tonight, again. And so much for time alone, mom is here at my pad. Dad is coming in a bit. He's gonna buy dinner and they're having it here. Sigh.
I havent even started my report. Thats because Im stuck. I dont know how or where to start. And Im exhausted. OK its partly my fault. Cause I pushed myself a wee bit too much today on the treadmill. I usually do 30mins but I did 60 today. And more rigorous. So, I am bound to be exhausted by now. Just when I need the sleep. And I cant.
I am stuck still. And im hungry. Cant think. Boo!
Double whammy. Their offer price is RM6.70, almost 15% more than Halim Saad's offer. Poor guy. He's been unsuccessful on bids and takeover this year. And seriously? KFC Malaysia is a cash cow. And why would we want an American to own that company? Hmmmm patriotism mode now. So yea... that only means I'm gonna be stuck with work tonight, again. And so much for time alone, mom is here at my pad. Dad is coming in a bit. He's gonna buy dinner and they're having it here. Sigh.
I havent even started my report. Thats because Im stuck. I dont know how or where to start. And Im exhausted. OK its partly my fault. Cause I pushed myself a wee bit too much today on the treadmill. I usually do 30mins but I did 60 today. And more rigorous. So, I am bound to be exhausted by now. Just when I need the sleep. And I cant.
I am stuck still. And im hungry. Cant think. Boo!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Hello Square One! We meet again!
Continuation from previous post...
Apparently I had ten more minutes until the dryer was done. Ceh. But I'm done folding etc. Ironing is a b****. Hehehhe... But it wasnt so bad.The dryer they have upstairs is super cool. No crinkles. Plan to buy one. But that thing costs like RM3000? I'm better off saving to buy a house.
Yes. Thats my plan. Some people say, "dream is free". That is correct. Well, I like to dream BIG. Might as well while I'm dreaming ey? Hmmm... Today, I did a lot of thinking. I did it all while listening in to Axiata's conference call, while writing the report, while sipping my coffee at Delicious, while running, driving...OK la the whole day.
I saw my ex's daughter's picture today. Yes. I know. Karma bites. But guess what? My niece is waaaayyy cuter and prettier. Good genes Alhamdulillah. Yes yes I might have ugly kids. But you know what? Since I dont plant for anyone I know to discover this blog anyway, I might as well just say it. He's an arse. And for as far as we were together, I was a nice person. I still am I think. Hmmm... lets see.. OK la kot. Better than HIM helloooo?
His name is, Mr HH. He is not good looking, although he was the most beautiful person I see when we were together. Thats just me. Im bias OK. But yea, he aint. But he has this thing...oh yea, a charming personality that blinded me from his other demons. OK look, Im not judgemental. Its just that, I dont go for looks. At all I tell you. In fact, I thought by going out with less-attractive men would probably be better for my ego. Ok that is selfish. But then, little did I know...
HH was a womanizer. He practically cheated on me by the third month of dating. And he was a compulsive liar too. He lied a lot. In fact, he even swore on his mother's life and lied. Back then, I thought I was ready for a commitment. But I was dead wrong. Well, the guy was wrong. I just didnt fully grasp the true meaning of a marriage. Now I do. Alhamdulillah. Im glad WE didnt work out.
The relationship lasted like...14-15months? A year-ish as I recall. But it felt like 10 years. Cheating was constant. Lying and all. Whats worst is that, he'd beat me up too. The stupid one here is actually me. For staying that long. And then, after we FINALLY broke up, this is after my friends threatened they would no longer be my friends if i stayed with them, and after digesting the fact that my parents no longer support our relationship, and after, I got the job at TA Research. My job saved my life practically. So I'm eternally indebted to you, dear job. Hehheheh no la...To Allah swt. Thank you Allah.
After the break up, HH tried to get back and when he realized he couldnt, he tried blackmailing me. Well, resorted to something I never thought I'd succumb to. I went down. Way down. Nearly his level. For the first time ever, I insulted him. I realized that could probably work. And it did. He was shocked and told me that he was gonna tell his mom everything i said. That was the end of it. Im glad.
But guess what? He was sooo worried that I was gonna find a nice guy and marry him. OMG seriously? He put me off men for a very long time. I still have terrible anxiety when I date other guys. Anxious that it wont be another HH.Then I realized, he is the only one like that. He's a weird case. Glad its over.
Oh and he got married on my birthday. So basically, he'll be celebrating his anniversary on my birthday. Hah. What an arse.But you know what? I dont even remember when his birthday is cause he aint worth my time. So, morale of the story is...seriously? Run when your instincts tell you to. As fast as you could. At least I know now that my instincts are never wrong.
I should know by now huh? Guess what? Back in square one. :(
Apparently I had ten more minutes until the dryer was done. Ceh. But I'm done folding etc. Ironing is a b****. Hehehhe... But it wasnt so bad.The dryer they have upstairs is super cool. No crinkles. Plan to buy one. But that thing costs like RM3000? I'm better off saving to buy a house.
Yes. Thats my plan. Some people say, "dream is free". That is correct. Well, I like to dream BIG. Might as well while I'm dreaming ey? Hmmm... Today, I did a lot of thinking. I did it all while listening in to Axiata's conference call, while writing the report, while sipping my coffee at Delicious, while running, driving...OK la the whole day.
I saw my ex's daughter's picture today. Yes. I know. Karma bites. But guess what? My niece is waaaayyy cuter and prettier. Good genes Alhamdulillah. Yes yes I might have ugly kids. But you know what? Since I dont plant for anyone I know to discover this blog anyway, I might as well just say it. He's an arse. And for as far as we were together, I was a nice person. I still am I think. Hmmm... lets see.. OK la kot. Better than HIM helloooo?
His name is, Mr HH. He is not good looking, although he was the most beautiful person I see when we were together. Thats just me. Im bias OK. But yea, he aint. But he has this thing...oh yea, a charming personality that blinded me from his other demons. OK look, Im not judgemental. Its just that, I dont go for looks. At all I tell you. In fact, I thought by going out with less-attractive men would probably be better for my ego. Ok that is selfish. But then, little did I know...
HH was a womanizer. He practically cheated on me by the third month of dating. And he was a compulsive liar too. He lied a lot. In fact, he even swore on his mother's life and lied. Back then, I thought I was ready for a commitment. But I was dead wrong. Well, the guy was wrong. I just didnt fully grasp the true meaning of a marriage. Now I do. Alhamdulillah. Im glad WE didnt work out.
The relationship lasted like...14-15months? A year-ish as I recall. But it felt like 10 years. Cheating was constant. Lying and all. Whats worst is that, he'd beat me up too. The stupid one here is actually me. For staying that long. And then, after we FINALLY broke up, this is after my friends threatened they would no longer be my friends if i stayed with them, and after digesting the fact that my parents no longer support our relationship, and after, I got the job at TA Research. My job saved my life practically. So I'm eternally indebted to you, dear job. Hehheheh no la...To Allah swt. Thank you Allah.
After the break up, HH tried to get back and when he realized he couldnt, he tried blackmailing me. Well, resorted to something I never thought I'd succumb to. I went down. Way down. Nearly his level. For the first time ever, I insulted him. I realized that could probably work. And it did. He was shocked and told me that he was gonna tell his mom everything i said. That was the end of it. Im glad.
But guess what? He was sooo worried that I was gonna find a nice guy and marry him. OMG seriously? He put me off men for a very long time. I still have terrible anxiety when I date other guys. Anxious that it wont be another HH.Then I realized, he is the only one like that. He's a weird case. Glad its over.
Oh and he got married on my birthday. So basically, he'll be celebrating his anniversary on my birthday. Hah. What an arse.But you know what? I dont even remember when his birthday is cause he aint worth my time. So, morale of the story is...seriously? Run when your instincts tell you to. As fast as you could. At least I know now that my instincts are never wrong.
I should know by now huh? Guess what? Back in square one. :(
Shut the Book
Time: 2118
Date: November 24th 2010
I am currently at my pad on Jalan Tun Razak. Came back early, about 1800hours. Was stuck in traffic. Nothing new there. I underperformed today. I only completed my results note on Axiata at 1730. My head hurts like mad today, no thanks to insufficient sleep. Nothing new there either. KFC results, well, as expected, was only released at 1930.
I managed to run for 30minutes or so. Jane called while I was running. We were planning Nuha's bachelorette dinner/tea this weekend. Came out with Plan A, which was supposed to be Plan B cause the original Plan A had to be canceled. Thanks to Daddy. So it might be Bisou. Or it might not. We never came out with a Plan B or C cause Jane loved Plan A (then B) so much. Ok im confusing myself now.
Running felt good. Its been a week since I last ran. Sometimes I wonder, am I running towards something - or running away from something. See? These are the kind of things that make me lose my precious sleeping time at night. But in the shower, I had an epiphany. Today, I am running away. Its good I guess. Sometimes running away solve problems.
I am running from my mistake. Made tons of them in my previous life. Still making tons of them today. Sometimes we learn things the hard way. And yet, we keep on repeating them. Thinking, it may be different this time. Or, maybe it wont be so hard this time. And sometimes, Im aware of committing that "crime" but kept on with it. Just to see how long I'd last, or how inelastic I should be by now.
This is the point where, I should shut the book close. Once and for all. Well, I've said that like five times in the span of two weeks. How pathetic is that? Its stupidity that led me to where I am now anyway. Maybe, writing about it would help me get clarity. Or maybe it'd just get me more confused. Ahhh grammar shmammar. I dont care. Yea we should respect grammar but at this point, this exact moment, I really dont give a care.
Should I apologize? Hmmm done that many times too. And yet, I still havent digested that my karma-turn-around-time is really short. Damn short. Or much too short. Yes, treat others the way you'd want to be. Karma is a bitch that bites. She bites hard.
Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Normally, when I'm feeling this depressed, I'd either, a)shop, b)get a hair wash depending on my depression scale of 1-10 with 10 being utterly gutted and that means a cut, c)drive as fast as I could. Option C is reckless I know. Not that I'm a typical lady-driver anyway. Daddy says I'm a "driver from hell". Hmmm my respond would be "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree"... Sigh. But I guess adrenaline rush mitigates depression. Shopping too gives me a rush. Hehhehehe
Dont get me wrong, I hate shopping. Honest to God. Wallahi. I'm an impulsive shopper. I go, see, like, buy. Done.I dont come back or think it over.I know what I like and want and I get them. Easy.
Honestly, I'm tired. Its a Catch-22 situation. Going around in circles. Same script, different actors. Heh, that's like Malaysia's political scene. Hehehhe...Cant beat 'em join 'em aye?
TBC-off to get laundry from the dryer upstairs. And clothes to fold. :D xoxo
Date: November 24th 2010
I am currently at my pad on Jalan Tun Razak. Came back early, about 1800hours. Was stuck in traffic. Nothing new there. I underperformed today. I only completed my results note on Axiata at 1730. My head hurts like mad today, no thanks to insufficient sleep. Nothing new there either. KFC results, well, as expected, was only released at 1930.
I managed to run for 30minutes or so. Jane called while I was running. We were planning Nuha's bachelorette dinner/tea this weekend. Came out with Plan A, which was supposed to be Plan B cause the original Plan A had to be canceled. Thanks to Daddy. So it might be Bisou. Or it might not. We never came out with a Plan B or C cause Jane loved Plan A (then B) so much. Ok im confusing myself now.
Running felt good. Its been a week since I last ran. Sometimes I wonder, am I running towards something - or running away from something. See? These are the kind of things that make me lose my precious sleeping time at night. But in the shower, I had an epiphany. Today, I am running away. Its good I guess. Sometimes running away solve problems.
I am running from my mistake. Made tons of them in my previous life. Still making tons of them today. Sometimes we learn things the hard way. And yet, we keep on repeating them. Thinking, it may be different this time. Or, maybe it wont be so hard this time. And sometimes, Im aware of committing that "crime" but kept on with it. Just to see how long I'd last, or how inelastic I should be by now.
This is the point where, I should shut the book close. Once and for all. Well, I've said that like five times in the span of two weeks. How pathetic is that? Its stupidity that led me to where I am now anyway. Maybe, writing about it would help me get clarity. Or maybe it'd just get me more confused. Ahhh grammar shmammar. I dont care. Yea we should respect grammar but at this point, this exact moment, I really dont give a care.
Should I apologize? Hmmm done that many times too. And yet, I still havent digested that my karma-turn-around-time is really short. Damn short. Or much too short. Yes, treat others the way you'd want to be. Karma is a bitch that bites. She bites hard.
Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Normally, when I'm feeling this depressed, I'd either, a)shop, b)get a hair wash depending on my depression scale of 1-10 with 10 being utterly gutted and that means a cut, c)drive as fast as I could. Option C is reckless I know. Not that I'm a typical lady-driver anyway. Daddy says I'm a "driver from hell". Hmmm my respond would be "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree"... Sigh. But I guess adrenaline rush mitigates depression. Shopping too gives me a rush. Hehhehehe
Dont get me wrong, I hate shopping. Honest to God. Wallahi. I'm an impulsive shopper. I go, see, like, buy. Done.I dont come back or think it over.I know what I like and want and I get them. Easy.
Honestly, I'm tired. Its a Catch-22 situation. Going around in circles. Same script, different actors. Heh, that's like Malaysia's political scene. Hehehhe...Cant beat 'em join 'em aye?
TBC-off to get laundry from the dryer upstairs. And clothes to fold. :D xoxo
Early break
Since I have to work during lunch today, I get an early break. Enjoying a nice cup of brewed black coffee at Delicious@Marc Residences. It's empty here at this hour. What a breather. It's usually so packed during lunch hour.
Today has been pretty slow for me. Probably it's because I have a huge results coming out in an hour time. That would be Axiata. Yikes!
And since I had little sleep last night, I've been pretty clumsy today. Tipping over this and that. I'm such a klutz. Today je la. And I'm worried now. According to research and past experience, lack of sleep will slow me down, especially if it involve numbers. Sigh. As long as the balance sheet balances hehehe
Oh I miss the smooth taste of black coffee. But since my acid reflux worsen this past 3months, I've been good. Coffee with milk. I used to enjoy black coffee on it's own. Lovely. But the thought of curling into a ball and unable to breathe with chronic chest pains give me enough shivers to keep my coffee white. :'(
Can't wait to get back to my pad later today. Alone time. Peace. And hopefully could catch up on some sleep. Oh and if im early I could probably head to the gym for a quickie. Workout ya. It's been a week since I last ran. Hopefully momentum is still there. I was sick last week. Cold and fever. The whole set. Despite the public holiday last Wednesday, I was in bed with tremendous headache coupled with blocked nose and throat filled with thick phlegm. Yuck. Glad I'm feeling better now. Alhamdulillah.
My cousin Nisaa gave me a song to listen to. It's pretty cute. The song is by Auburn called Perfect Two.
Cause you're the apple to my pie, you're the straw to my berry, you're the smoke to my high....
Cute ey? She sounds like a chipmunk though hehehe or like that two girl band... What are they called? Alaaa the one that sang "don't say you love me.. you don't even know me" something like that.
K la coffee is calling
xoxo
Today has been pretty slow for me. Probably it's because I have a huge results coming out in an hour time. That would be Axiata. Yikes!
And since I had little sleep last night, I've been pretty clumsy today. Tipping over this and that. I'm such a klutz. Today je la. And I'm worried now. According to research and past experience, lack of sleep will slow me down, especially if it involve numbers. Sigh. As long as the balance sheet balances hehehe
Oh I miss the smooth taste of black coffee. But since my acid reflux worsen this past 3months, I've been good. Coffee with milk. I used to enjoy black coffee on it's own. Lovely. But the thought of curling into a ball and unable to breathe with chronic chest pains give me enough shivers to keep my coffee white. :'(
Can't wait to get back to my pad later today. Alone time. Peace. And hopefully could catch up on some sleep. Oh and if im early I could probably head to the gym for a quickie. Workout ya. It's been a week since I last ran. Hopefully momentum is still there. I was sick last week. Cold and fever. The whole set. Despite the public holiday last Wednesday, I was in bed with tremendous headache coupled with blocked nose and throat filled with thick phlegm. Yuck. Glad I'm feeling better now. Alhamdulillah.
My cousin Nisaa gave me a song to listen to. It's pretty cute. The song is by Auburn called Perfect Two.
Cause you're the apple to my pie, you're the straw to my berry, you're the smoke to my high....
Cute ey? She sounds like a chipmunk though hehehe or like that two girl band... What are they called? Alaaa the one that sang "don't say you love me.. you don't even know me" something like that.
K la coffee is calling
xoxo
Oh Dear!
I thought it was just me. But the whole office apparently had trouble sleeping too last night. We could see eye bags and dark circles forming during morning meeting. Sigh. I woke up at 2am this morning. Forced myself to go back to sleep took almost an hour. Oh Wednesday! We meet again. The weekend feels too far.
Today, Axiata and KFC will announce their 3Q10 results. We're expecting strong results from both companies. Axiata has been performing well this year, thanks to its regional subsidiaries AND Celcom has been creeping up the market share ladder. KFC on the other hand, went into India this year. India-as we all know, aint a straight forward market. Of course growth opportunity is great. But it aint easy.
Since Axiata is announcing the results today, that means I will have telecon today. Oh dear! But I dont mind. It will be held during lunch. At least I could get it done by 5 and wait for KFC's results. Yay!
Oh and The Edge-Personal Money contacted me today! Since they issued my stock pick earlier this year - QL Resources - and the stock performed tremendously well this year, they want to issue another report by me for January 2011!!! As I said previously, it feels nice to get my opinions heard and acknowledged. Insyaallah the exposure will come in handy.
Mengada ke if I want them to get a new photo taken? hahahahha... hmmm... kodi i know... but hey! I need a good corporate photo! K la... flowing in Kian Joo report now..
Today, Axiata and KFC will announce their 3Q10 results. We're expecting strong results from both companies. Axiata has been performing well this year, thanks to its regional subsidiaries AND Celcom has been creeping up the market share ladder. KFC on the other hand, went into India this year. India-as we all know, aint a straight forward market. Of course growth opportunity is great. But it aint easy.
Since Axiata is announcing the results today, that means I will have telecon today. Oh dear! But I dont mind. It will be held during lunch. At least I could get it done by 5 and wait for KFC's results. Yay!
Oh and The Edge-Personal Money contacted me today! Since they issued my stock pick earlier this year - QL Resources - and the stock performed tremendously well this year, they want to issue another report by me for January 2011!!! As I said previously, it feels nice to get my opinions heard and acknowledged. Insyaallah the exposure will come in handy.
 |
| Jan2010 issue.. |
Mengada ke if I want them to get a new photo taken? hahahahha... hmmm... kodi i know... but hey! I need a good corporate photo! K la... flowing in Kian Joo report now..
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Better Day
Alhamdulillah. I realized that I did not take any painkillers for my cramps. I usually take meds for three days. Yesterday the pain was horrible. But I didn't cry heehe gila crybaby. But I was fine today alhamdulillah. Must have started the day on a good note. I think I should do the same tomorrow insyaallah I'll have a good day.
Having said that however, this week will be crazy with results. So, hmmm no promises. In fact, Kian Joo Can Factory (Bloomberg code KJC:MK) announced their 3Q10 results. It was fantastic I tell you. 9M10 net profits met mine n consensus full 068202 (mcds order no) no joke! So they have another quarter but it's usually the weakest. However, I still had to revise my estimates upwards.
I revised KJC earnings for FY10-12 by 13-30% respectively. Thus, with the adjustments, out TP on KJC is revised upwards to RM2.75 from RM1.96 previously. This is based on FY11 PER of 11x, 30% discount to global peers of 16x. Stock appreciated 20% in 3months. Impressive for a usually illiquid stock.
What's next? Parents wanted McDs for dinner so I'm waiting for the delivery boy. Sigh. Don't mind.
Having said that however, this week will be crazy with results. So, hmmm no promises. In fact, Kian Joo Can Factory (Bloomberg code KJC:MK) announced their 3Q10 results. It was fantastic I tell you. 9M10 net profits met mine n consensus full 068202 (mcds order no) no joke! So they have another quarter but it's usually the weakest. However, I still had to revise my estimates upwards.
I revised KJC earnings for FY10-12 by 13-30% respectively. Thus, with the adjustments, out TP on KJC is revised upwards to RM2.75 from RM1.96 previously. This is based on FY11 PER of 11x, 30% discount to global peers of 16x. Stock appreciated 20% in 3months. Impressive for a usually illiquid stock.
What's next? Parents wanted McDs for dinner so I'm waiting for the delivery boy. Sigh. Don't mind.
The Team
Hmm.. at TA Research we have a mini team. That would be me, Patricia and Ikmal. (Pat and Kimal). It all started last year. Kimal found a RM200 return ticket to Yogyakarta on MAS. The three of us, looked at each other in unison and decided to book the tickets in the span on 20 seconds! That was the Original sin. heheheh
The four of us, including Luke, Pat's bf went to Yogya early January in 2009. It was fun. I made a few friends there. It all started when we were in town, I walked past this art booth and an artist was sketching a portrait. Since I loathe walking and was wayy too tired to continue walking around, I told Kimal that I wanted to get my portrait done by that dude. So I checked and bargained and sat. I was getting the hang of speaking Indonesian and we were chatting away... I told him we wanted to go to Borobudur. At that point of time, we were going with the hotel's taxi which would have cost RP1mn or so? Then the artist, his name is Stick, told me that we could use his friend. And that we could just pay for petrol and tip him. So, I called Kimal and Pat... we discussed and within 5 minutes we all agreed to use Stick's friend.
Later on, after shopping and once my portrait was done, we were dying for cheap and good Indonesian massage. Stick, volunteered to take us in his van :) Bless him. So he took us to this place, it looked alright. We had a 2hour massage each with scrub and it only cost us RP70k=RM25? We felt soooo bad and gave a RP50k tip to our masseuse.
The next day, at 3 am, Stick's friend took us to Borobudur. Travel time was about 3 hours. We got there just in time for sunrise. What can I say, it was amazing. Hahahhaha we saw it from the van-not from Borobudur. Entrances were closed till after sunrise. You're supposed to stay there from the night before if you wanted to get sunrise at the temple.
And then, hmmmm.....yea..we climbed up. We got separated and at one point, we were shouting for each other... like "Paaaatttt where are you?"... until.. a lady came up to us and said .."Wow! You can speak english!".. and we were like ...''err..is that a trick question?".. and then she was like.."oh good. Can I ask for a favour?"..hmmmm.... Me: What kind of favour?, Lady: Oh Im a teacher and I would like you and your friends to gather around and converse in English in front of my student. Me & Kimal: oohhhhhhh... Ok la then...hahahahha
Guess what? There were about 100 students!!! The first 10 minutes were spent on camera! I mean, smiling and posing for the students' cameras. We felt like celebrities hahahhaha seriously And then it died down. So we started by asking some simple questions to the kids. Obviously, the good students would show off to us and asked us some questions. Funny thing was, it wasnt much of a conversation. The students were mostly memorizing sentences and not knowing what it means... or not knowing how to answer apart from the cursory "I am fine thank you"...
Then, we left Borobudur and checked out other temples. On our way back we stopped by Afandi's Gallery. Afandi was this famous Indonesian artist. His stuff are unique, but self-centric. He was portraying himself, his emotions, his demons, his life etc... His paintings closer to his death were slightly different...Probably he showed some anger..or frustrations...heheheh mcm terer la pulak kan...
All in all, it was a good short trip. We had good food. Good company. But that was the start. Then the ticket booking became more rampant. Boss got ticked. So did my dad. But you know what? I llloooveee looking at my passport. Its colourful! Hehehhehe
So yea...next year, me Pat and Kimal are headed to India.. then Cambodia.. we went to Bali..Medan...Jakarta... oh Europe... ish ish... supposedly New Zealand which I bailed out on cause I was saving up for Europe... hmmmm....Thats our team. :)
xoxo
 |
| Me and Kimal are at the back |
The four of us, including Luke, Pat's bf went to Yogya early January in 2009. It was fun. I made a few friends there. It all started when we were in town, I walked past this art booth and an artist was sketching a portrait. Since I loathe walking and was wayy too tired to continue walking around, I told Kimal that I wanted to get my portrait done by that dude. So I checked and bargained and sat. I was getting the hang of speaking Indonesian and we were chatting away... I told him we wanted to go to Borobudur. At that point of time, we were going with the hotel's taxi which would have cost RP1mn or so? Then the artist, his name is Stick, told me that we could use his friend. And that we could just pay for petrol and tip him. So, I called Kimal and Pat... we discussed and within 5 minutes we all agreed to use Stick's friend.
Later on, after shopping and once my portrait was done, we were dying for cheap and good Indonesian massage. Stick, volunteered to take us in his van :) Bless him. So he took us to this place, it looked alright. We had a 2hour massage each with scrub and it only cost us RP70k=RM25? We felt soooo bad and gave a RP50k tip to our masseuse.
The next day, at 3 am, Stick's friend took us to Borobudur. Travel time was about 3 hours. We got there just in time for sunrise. What can I say, it was amazing. Hahahhaha we saw it from the van-not from Borobudur. Entrances were closed till after sunrise. You're supposed to stay there from the night before if you wanted to get sunrise at the temple.
And then, hmmmm.....yea..we climbed up. We got separated and at one point, we were shouting for each other... like "Paaaatttt where are you?"... until.. a lady came up to us and said .."Wow! You can speak english!".. and we were like ...''err..is that a trick question?".. and then she was like.."oh good. Can I ask for a favour?"..hmmmm.... Me: What kind of favour?, Lady: Oh Im a teacher and I would like you and your friends to gather around and converse in English in front of my student. Me & Kimal: oohhhhhhh... Ok la then...hahahahha
Guess what? There were about 100 students!!! The first 10 minutes were spent on camera! I mean, smiling and posing for the students' cameras. We felt like celebrities hahahhaha seriously And then it died down. So we started by asking some simple questions to the kids. Obviously, the good students would show off to us and asked us some questions. Funny thing was, it wasnt much of a conversation. The students were mostly memorizing sentences and not knowing what it means... or not knowing how to answer apart from the cursory "I am fine thank you"...
Then, we left Borobudur and checked out other temples. On our way back we stopped by Afandi's Gallery. Afandi was this famous Indonesian artist. His stuff are unique, but self-centric. He was portraying himself, his emotions, his demons, his life etc... His paintings closer to his death were slightly different...Probably he showed some anger..or frustrations...heheheh mcm terer la pulak kan...
All in all, it was a good short trip. We had good food. Good company. But that was the start. Then the ticket booking became more rampant. Boss got ticked. So did my dad. But you know what? I llloooveee looking at my passport. Its colourful! Hehehhehe
So yea...next year, me Pat and Kimal are headed to India.. then Cambodia.. we went to Bali..Medan...Jakarta... oh Europe... ish ish... supposedly New Zealand which I bailed out on cause I was saving up for Europe... hmmmm....Thats our team. :)
xoxo
Farhana Hamzah, Financial Analyst
I think..there should be a movie made about analysts. Haih... You know.. Wall Street is the closest we could ever get. I'm tired of watching shows of doctors..although i lloooveee Grey's Anatmy...and House MD... but it'll be nice to be recognized professionally. Thats what I feel though. The top 10 jobs in 2010 never existed in 2008. How about that?
Analysts... We come to work at 7.. check up all news portal for anything related to our sectors or stocks... go for morning meeting by 8... And then we head for breakfst at 9 after the market opens. We go for company visits.. catch up with management of companies we cover.. When I say cover, it means we have a proper working financial models on these companies.. and we will forecast earnings of these companies.. Then we derive to target price of the stock. Valuation part may differ from every sector. Some people use DCF, gordon growth, DDM, PER or sum of parts. These are the popular ones.
 |
| The TA Research 2010 |
As analysts, we are paid well. If we compare ourselves with peers from other industries. But then, not everyone in town would like the average 12-hours a day job you see. And during reporting season, we'll have 16-20 hours of work? Tough. Not that I'm saying other jobs out there aint. Just that, yes...we work the long hours. I am young and energetic. With no worry on what to cook, hows my kid doing at home etc. But I guess "burnout" may not be too far away, from where Im standing.
Us analysts also have awards. Like Asia Money.. Star Mine and II. These awards.. represent our calls on our stocks and our marketing skills with our clients. A friend of mine from OSK calls Asia Money as the MTV awards. Cause its based on client votes. Like American Idol la. Star Mine on the other hand calculates the absolute returns we make to our investors. Its quite subjective. Although, I'm shy from 3 years experience, I am still considered a junior.
 |
| Good Ol' Days |
Last year, I was listed and ranked in Asia Money for Consumer sector.. #17. Nothing big but its an achievement. Since I only had two years experience or less. It was pretty cool since TA aint that big. So this year, I dont know. We'll find out soon enough. They did contact my boss and asked for my details. (Fingers crossed) InsyaAllah. I need another increment. Increment gives me the sense of belonging. Like Im needed and wanted here. I think that is important. I feel appreciated and I feel happy when I spend so I'll work harder so I'll get more increment. Hehehhehe... I like money. Dont get me wrong. I love spending my own money. And my parent's money. I like the fact that I have my own income. And my hard work pays off. Alhamdulillah.
 |
| In-bus-Entertainment |
 |
| Medan |
Next purchase InsyaAllah would be a house. Not so much landed since I cant afford that. I'll probably get an apartment. Nothing too fancy like a 4-bedroom and all. Just a nice two-bedroom apartment in a nice area. My eyes are set on Mont Kiara. It aint cheap I know but I need an increment la. Then we can talk. Hehehheh
I am a Consumer analyst. oh and Telco. I like Consumer cause its my comfortzone. Its an easy sector. And people-centric I'd say. Telco is very interesting. Telco companies provide loads of data. I aspire to cover regional telco stocks. But I'm still new. I'm gonna have to learn lots more before I plan to do that. Ok off to lunch!
L.O.V.E
Ok. Let's talk about me. I am Farhana Hamzah. I was born in KL and I'd like to say that I was raised in KL. The truth is, I was raised in Melaka cukup. When I was a baby, my grandparents sent me to this nenek tepi sungai to look after me. Like bidan or something and cause she was really poor and she needed the money. Nobel. But I remember visiting her until she passed. May Allah bless her soul.
Then, my grandparents looked after me till I was like 4? I was my atok's little girl. My grandfather's name was Mohamed Noor Nordin. More like Prof. Dr Hj Mohd Noor Nordin. He was one of the founders wait... he was the one popularized Homeopathy medicine in Malaysia, back in the days. He was a disciple of Prof Burhanuddin Helmi. Atok was also in politics back then. Before PAS he was with Melayu Raya? eh something like that. So yea, my atok was one of the greatest man alive. I would say, he was one of the True Muslim i know. Atok never judged. And he always believed in people. I am proud to be his grandaughter. Al-Fatihah.
After Melaka, I moved to KL to stay with my parents. Funny thing, I was shy around my parents. Probably because that my parents I knew were my grandparents. Mummy & Daddy would come to visit me over the weekends... So I never really knew them that well. Staying with them changed things. First, I learned to know my brother, Amir. I didnt know him very well either at that time. So, guess who I was close to then? Surprise surprise, the maid, Kak Norma.
 |
| Family |
But as time pass, me and abang got closer. Everyone thought we were twins since we looked so alike. It was cool. I was happy people thought we were twins. Then we went for family holidays etc. Got closer to parents. But still shy around Mom. probably because she worked a lot. Mom works in IBM Malaysia. The kind of company one would wanna grow old into. She is super good at her job. Inspiring. Ok back to the story. Abang is the high-achiever. More like overachiever. Straight As with both eyes closed. Serious. And and he's a sportsman. Big one. He played soccer and athletics at state level. How crazy is that. He was also picked for Malaysia Team B Under-18 when he was like 15? So I was always in the shadows. The kind of attention I got would be..hmmmm...let's see.. the negative kind.
 |
| The ladies-Sofea dalam perut lagi |
 |
| Sofea |
So thats why...the moment I was allowed to move to my parent's condo at Jalan Tun Razak, I found something I was instantly in love in. It is called space. OMG I never had it and I am addicted to it. Its not freedom that I seek. Its just space. Being on my own. I enjoyed cooking, cleaning and just being on my own. I'll upload the pictures tomorrow heheheh i'll be staying there tmrw. Oh and I've installed broadband as well. Uber-fast 4MB. Of course it aint HSBB.
Space. I'm turning into a loner. I only hear myself. And nothing else. Why do I love it so much? Well, I have peace of mind. I have trouble sleeping. But not at my pad. Im not being a baby. Just that, I have peace over there. And I love every second of it. I feel, independent. Well, that figures my personality test years ago. Many would look at me and say, "Oh, you're an extroverted person. You like being around people etc"... but test results proved otherwise. I am in fact, an introvert. Funny huh?
I must have picked up the need to be "chirpy and talkative" to be accepted..socially that is. And when I was younger, I always thought it was a surviving skill I needed to be good at. So yes, I would say I was popular at school. Its always about who my friends are, what we wear and how good we look. Shallow high school mindsets. Over and done with. On hindsight, I'd rather be a nerd. The kind no one would ever notice. And probably I'd be smarter. Much smarter. IF la.
I went to primary school in TTDI. That is SKTTDI (1). The school of champions. Hehehhehe... I was a librarian..turned prefect. My brother was a prefect too. And the best student. I was, hmmm... a mediocre I'd say. But I made it in sports. Not the best, but at least one of. Nothing big like abang though. He's the living legend of TTDI.
Then, I joined Sekolah Menengah Taman Sri Hartamas in Form 1. Party school. My dad labelled it as The 90210 of Malaysia. There was house-parties like every other weekend. Yes, we were exposed early. But on hindsight, I think its for the better. We got tired early too. Of course, we were no angels. Gosh, on hindsight, i feel sorry for my parents for having to go through that. I was such a difficult daughter to raise. No wonder they kept on wondering how they managed to have a daughter like me. I was a monster. Astaghfirullah. Sorry mom and dad. At least, I didnt die in that period. Imagine that. I'd be burning as we speak. And yes, i came to realization that I am nothing like them.
Where did I go wrong? Alhamdulillah things have changed now. I hope, one day, my parents would see it. Insecurities would be something I'd have to battle years to come. Been battling the past 20 over years. And yes, my parents did say things like "we dont know what we did wrong to have you"..."why cant you be like your cousins"... I always took it the wrong way. But they are right. I am different.
Probably cause, I never had a normal childhood. It was probably a dark patch. But I learned forgiveness from such a young age. I never knew why, some people who are victims of sex abuse would speak. Now, I know. In my case however, only two or three of my friends know. And I hope it will remain that way. I forgave. To protect my family. So, yes, I know what family meant. And I know people screw up. I believe in second chances. After all, this is family we're talking about. I was four. It ended once I turned into a ..-not a girl not yet a woman stage-. like 11? Something I had to endure growing up making sure no one finds out.
I was embarrassed. Humiliated of myself. Partly blaming myself for it. Not knowing what is happening or why its happening. But I learned. I thank Allah for giving me the strength. And I forgave him. Life goes on.
Did that affect my relationship with men? It probably does. Maybe it doesnt. Who knows? I only dated men with issues. Probably cause I had the need to nurse and to fix things. Thinking I could make a difference. And I'd sabotage my relationships so it'd never work out. Hmmmm.... guess I'm just not ready.
In life, we have ups and downs...its no sugar and spice. Thats what makes life interesting. I guess everyone has a side of story that would never be told. Some are. Life is too short. Take everyday as if its your last.
.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Daddy mood swings
Ok this is funny. Yea yea I'm new to this blogging thing and the novelty will wear off. I know but I'm enjoying it. Partly cause this may stay hidden and no one I know will know the existence of my blog or something like that la. So yea, came home took parents out for dinner. Daddy was kinda sick, he was feverish with cough n flu. Okla cold.
We had yong tau foo and it was ok I guess until I mentioned that I'm having some friends over this weekend for a barbecue. Since nuha is getting married next week and all. And then, wapow! Kena sound! Kinda funny. Just as much as I dread people knowing whee my pad is.. Daddy doesn't either. Hmmm so we'll see.. Just when I thought we're good.. We ain't that good.
We had yong tau foo and it was ok I guess until I mentioned that I'm having some friends over this weekend for a barbecue. Since nuha is getting married next week and all. And then, wapow! Kena sound! Kinda funny. Just as much as I dread people knowing whee my pad is.. Daddy doesn't either. Hmmm so we'll see.. Just when I thought we're good.. We ain't that good.
My Baby
I'm a Financial Analyst. Am I happy to be one? Hmmm... I start work at 7 daily... and I normally leave -on average 8ish.. well, since our dearest boss has given us the mandate to leave at 5 IF we have no announcement then its 5. But with our job, you'll NEVER know when you have work to do. So, even if I'm out, I'm gonna have to refresh Bursa website like every 15mins hoping to see no announcements on my stocks. Or if any, nothing material. Hehehhehe... Well, I dont quite like working from home.. Problem is, overprotective daddy would get too paranoid about me staying in the ofc till wee hours.. AND he'll end up calling me like 359times until I give up and decide to just WORK-from-home. Sigh
Oh well, yes, he's worried. Crime cases in KL doesnt help, clearly with the mat rempits and drunk drivers etc. I dont hate my job. I used to LOVE it. But, sometimes, I get tired. I dont think it has anything to do with the job per se. Just, my inability to sleep at night. I am so used to doing a lot of thinking, before I sleep. Sometimes its about work, sometimes life... So yea, sleep is the "thing" so alien to me but I crave it everyday... Sometimes flu-meds help but most of the time, I just rely on hmmm... silence and darkness. I cant sleep with the slightest noise, or the tiniest bit of light. Sigh
Oh and did I mention? The fact that I'm a female Analyst that makes me cursed. Statistics are against us basically. About 90% of female analysts in Malaysia (sell-side) are single - or if in a relationship it'll somehow wont ever work out- if married are divorced/separated. There are only a few female analysts who are happily married. So, its either female analysts are too career-driven to bother make a relationship work, or, men they date are...hmmm... no name-calling. Not that it matters to me now anyway. I have stopped bothering about petty stuff like relationships... I mean, seriously? I dont have the time! I dont have the time or energy to focus my attention to someone and something that may not even work out anyway. And the process is basically the same. In 2010, I learned something. No time-wasting. No heartaches. Spend. Spend. Spend. :D
I turned cold I guess. I used to be those.."awww i miss you sayang"..but memang tak la weyy... Sappy cheesy stuff aint ma thang.. Yes, I enjoy chasing..not so much being chased...oh yea, I RUN as fast as I could when Im being chased. I like The Chase. Me, I do the chasing. And yes, sometimes, the butterflies and those little short conversations or gestures put a smile on my face.. And yes, sometimes I get happy.. But I learned. I learned to figure out when to turn away. And, I will always have the excuse of, "I'm busy lah!..My job requires me to be on my toes at all time.. I dont have time to reply your texts or to call you back.." Seriously, that is SOOO not true. Hahahhaha THE PHONE has to be with me and on me at all time in case daddy calls. Daddy doesnt respond to me not answring the phone very well. He gets pissed and angry and upset and hmmm... u can imagine. He'll get paranoid that something happened to me.
 |
| YTD share movement (shareinvestor.com.my) |
Oh see? I'm babbling. Yes. I'd like to talk about my favourite stock - QL Resources Berhad (Bloomberg ticker QLG:MK). I mean seriously, I initiated coverage on QL Resources like.. Novemebr 2008, 6 months after I turned into an Analyst..(heheh "turned"...so I sound vampiry hahah). Back then the price was about..RM2.00? I tell you, its BRILLIANT. Today, th stock is at RM5.85 thats like 3x more than it was.
QL is involved in the food business, or so. It has three main business operations, i)Marine products manufacturing, ii)Integrated Livestock, iii)Palm Oil Activities. So we are talking about an Integrated Business Model here. Some may take some time to digest QL's business model but its actually very simple. The MD, Dr Chia, says its based on a Fisherman's Village like that la. One goes to sea, catch some fish, goes back, sells the good fish, the not soo good ones you make into fishballs, and the waste are fed to the chicken, chicken lay eggs yada yada yada.. Impressive huh?
QL just announced their 1HFY11 results today. Thats because financial year ends in march. Superb results. As always. Love the stock. And always will. Management are so transparent. You can call them ANYtime, anyday.
So today, I have raised my target price (TP) for QL to RM7.00 from RM5.72 previously. This is based on Sum-of parts. Still a BUY.
Oh ohh.. I am sooo proud of myself today :D I made an Adult decision. Hmmmm. Its about time. Daddy's been nagging at me last week for almost everyday. Yes I cried. That was probably my hormones but it didnt make any sense back then. Daddy kept on saying on how disappointed he was at me. And how much I have troubled him and Mom. I was sad, cause I knew that I was never an easy child growing up. I was a difficult, stubborn, I was a trouble-maker, basically the totally opposite of my dearest brother Amir. Abang is fantastic at everything. I'm not saying I'm not, jsut that, I think he kinda set the bar a wee bit too high. Hehehhe... So back to Daddy.. And today, AirAsia was selling flights to Paris for RM1500return (all-in).. I was 3seconds away from purchasing the ticket and I stopped myself. Took a breather and walked away. Literally walked away from the pc la. I realized, I cant be this irresposible can i? This is getting way out of hand. I am turning 27 in 2 months time. OMGGGGG 2 freaking months. I havent even bought a house yet. And all i can think of in this brain of mine is travel travel travel. Ish ish ish...
So yea...I did it. I managed to control myself. "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself". So I will reward myself with a new bag. This Peek-a-boo by Fendi...ohh la la..kidding.
K la..nak gers...
End of 2010...
This year felt really short, MasyaAllah and 2010 is nearing its end in almost a month time. As I get older, I tend to do a lot of self-reflection and get all-emotional. Not that I'm such an ungrateful person but like many others, I do have goals that I have set probably years ago and those goals-well, what can I say, they remain as goals.
I came back early despite having a return ticket already..mainly due to my dear friend's wedding I could not miss, that would be Ihsan Anwar and Syaheeda. The loveliest couple-ever.
Post-europe, I was sent to Shanghai for work with a broken-heart. Yes. I loved Shanghai but I was depressed beyond means. It was a short trip and I came back with clear intentions of coming back, again, someday....
Post-europe, I was sent to Shanghai for work with a broken-heart. Yes. I loved Shanghai but I was depressed beyond means. It was a short trip and I came back with clear intentions of coming back, again, someday....
Then, the next quarter of the year was spent on work trips to Indonesia. Went to Jakarta for work twice, for leisure twice, went to Medan twice, Bali once. Hmmm.... that was a lllooottt of Indonesia in the span of 4 months. And yes, I joked about wanting to date an Indonesian man.How did that turn out? Hmmmm... not so well.. Someone much too old that puts me to sleep or made me speechless... For a generally friendly and talkative person.. this particular guy made me uncomfortably quiet... when we're talking that is.. So I... did what I usually do.. "Shut the book hard-put it in box, lock it and throw away the key.." or in simpler words.. went silently into the night.. eh..something like that la...
Eid was alright. We went back to Melaka and this time around with Sofea Alesya. The cutest thing alive! Sofea is my dearest brother's daughter with Mona, my sister-in-law. She is such a joy that I couldnt help but wonder what its like to have my own. For the record, I'd like 7 kids. Yup seven. However, I am 26-turning-27. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that I dont have the capacity-in terms of time. Hahhaha ambitious I know...
We had an open house back in KL. We had some clients and friends over for lamb..laksa..kuey teow or some other stuff... And then it rained..yada yada...but it was good.. glad most of my friends made it to my house that day...
And now... end of November.. I may be heading out to China early December.. well.. its up to my boss really.. He kinda rejected my leave for that trip.. Since we have strategy report etc to prepare.. I bought the tickets a month ago without checking with him... But Im still crossing my fingers though.. That would be next weekend.. Sigh... It didnt really matter for now whether I went or not.. Cause if I go, I'd miss my dear friend's wedding... whats up with me and travelling-friend's wedding anyway? Oh the freaky part... this friend is the sister of my friend who got married last year (Europetrip)..hahahha... Nuha & Khairul... hmmm... I'll let Allah decide whats best for me.
Currently, I am patiently waiting for QL Resources and Cocoaland Holdings to announe their quarterly results. I'll be working late tonight. And everyday this week. It will all be worth it one day InsyaAllah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)