.

Its been a tiring month altogether. Not December per se. Just the past 30 days. I have been entangled with a lot of issues surrounding me. Seriously, I cant have any more crisis next week, my schedule is full. Having said that, I believe, my miscalculation of steps was partially attributed by low energy level no thanks to inadequate sleep.

I lost some balance in the midst of things. I will need to recover from this tiredness. I feel weak. Really weak. I have trouble waking up in the morning, for like almost everyday. I have been late to work since last week. This is not good, at all. First, it was also physical. I have been running. Or walking. And I have been cutting down on sleep. My average sleeping hours daily are like 3-5hours. This only points to 3-5 hours lack of sleep per day thus, my lethargy. Hence, I have been cranky, snappy and overly emotional. It also doesnt help the fact that I mistook things that were not supposed to be misunderstood. That was a great mistake. Probably a grave one.

I got used to having someone's company, someone I enjoy talking to, sharing with. And this is a person, I should have kept at arms length from the very beginning. The relationship already had clauses that were practically crystal clear with huge disclaimers probably painted in bright red. How could I have missed that sign? Oh I didnt. I decided to go against it. Well, just like the O&G industry, "exploration stage" may either bring you great returns of untapped resources or crap. I got the latter. So, now I have none. No more conversation with this particular person. Or most likely, no more contact.

What can I say? I am good at ruining things. Which is why mommy freaked upon discovering the issue. She was right. I should have handled my expectations better. Which I didnt. Whose fault is that? No one but mine. I am tired now. Tired of weeks of excitement over surprise messages, or calls. Now, it is certain. Probably engraved in stone. I screwed up. But then again, why should I be upset over this? That was basically expected of me. Maybe too, I am disappointed for not surprising myself. Always the rule, never the exception. He is just not that into me? No. He is just NOT into me. Period. Miscalculation? Spot on.

Take a breather. Move on. Easier said than done. But I will bounce back. I always do. No matter how deep I cut myself. It heals. Time heals? Maybe. I dont know. It will work out, one way or another. Insyaallah.