As mentioned previously, I have been on a house-hunting mission. It aint easy. Especially since I couldnt get the blessing from mommy. It was an emotional day for me on Wednesday. I sobbed and rubbed my eyes profusely. Yea I sound like a spoiled brat I know. But then again, its just so easy to judge me. Yes, what ever you see is practically just a show. What I want the world to see. Whatever and however I feel is not the concern of the world. That is between me and God.
Anyway, I rubbed my eyes which led to a tear. Not the contacts, but my eye. Left one. Pain as hell. And it was the colour red.Blood red. Not so glamorous. Haih. Since its an open wound, any exposure to lights would hurt like hell too.But Im good now. Alhamdulillah.
And yesterday, Abang had to go for a minor surgery at Prince Court. His sinus was really bad and blocked his whole system, on the right side i think. Chronic sinus. Way past acute. Alhamdulillah he is fine too now.
So yea, this is the year end. Things havent been great on my side. Despite all the holidays and travelling Ive been doing. So, in conclusion, I havent found that happiness yet. Not in travelling nor shopping. I guess, on hindsight, travelling is my way of escaping reality. Living a few days in a dream. Then, when I come back, reality hits me hard, in the face.
Ive had a tough year. A challenging one. Not that it should be easy. But it was not all a happy one. I cant say I cant wait for 2011 so I could start fresh. Im scared as hell Im gonna ruin it again. And history repeats. Life goes on. What can I say? That is just the system. Take a breather. Put it all behind me.
Life is a journey they say. I am going through it now. So yea. Its been rocky. I just want a meaningful and fulfilling life. Insyaallah. Ameen
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
A day indeed
Today has been a pretty weird day. Well, I came to work with an unexpected Telco report thanks to TM and Maxis' announcement last night. The announcement was mainly a pact between these two telcos on TM providing last mile access for HSBB to Maxis. Hence, Maxis is coming out with something similar to TM's triple play-UniFi. The clause of the agreement I believe suggests that Maxis is expected to add more value as compared to TM's UniFi thus, no direct competition.
This is positive for TM cause it will boost earnings from Wholesale business as it is also servicing YTL's YES!. Having said that, TM will not have a monopoly on the HSBB market going forward. This is positive for the sector but we may see some canibalisation of UniFi. UniFi is at an advantage thanks to its affordable pricing but slow rollout. Maxis, may capitalize on its sister company Astro and will probably gain more interests amongst customers.
Ok. After allll that, I continues my house-hunting project. It really aint easy I tell you. First of all, they ended up asking me, "bumi' or "non-bumi"? that irritates the hell out of me. Well, I dont believe in that. A Malaysian is a Malaysian. Period. What Bumi? Ish. So yea. And then, it got intense. I told mommy about my plans and, "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" i got shot!!
From left, right, back front top bottom u name it. She mustve covered all angles of which I always managed to have an answer in return. Then, her reply would sound "Yea, you're the smart one right? You're the analyst" Ouch! I am sure that was sarcasm. Even Stevie Wonder could see that I'm the least smart in the family. Oh well.
I am turning 27 you know. i NEED a sense of accomplishment. And ownership. As of now, I have nothing. Except for my car. So yea, It was emotional. I cried and cried and practically sobbed my conversation over with mom. It was hard. She didnt understand why I needed to get a house. Not solely for moving out. Just so I could feel something. Like I have and own something. Thats it. It aint easy. I am turning 27 in a month and 10 days time. My love life aint going anywhere. Not that Im looking. Its just that I need to buy a house. Period. I am not even expecting them to get me one. Oh page, I hope you get where im coming from right?
So, guess what the temporary comclusion is? I was told to buy my dad's condo. My bachelor pad. One that I couldnt afford seriously. I dont know. I feel lost. Ive never been more confused in my life right now. I need Allah to give me the strength in deciding. This is a commitment. I know.
And then, I was summoned to have lunch with Datuk Tony Tiah along with Li Hsia and Patricia. It was also unexpected. Boss told us at like 9am? It was pleasant. Of course I was nervous as hell. I had "Oh crap! Was i caught facebooking during ofc hours?" "what did i do?" "shoot shoot shoot". Apparently Datuk just wanted to tap our minds on plans for the company. What do we see ourselves in for the future? More like strategy planning. Phew. What a relief. But it was really nice.
Anyway, who knows whats gonna happen later today huh? We have another 8 hours till the day ends. Emotionally, I dont thin kI can handle anymore. Enough as it is. Im dry. Im tired. Lets hope for a better half a day today.
xoxo
This is positive for TM cause it will boost earnings from Wholesale business as it is also servicing YTL's YES!. Having said that, TM will not have a monopoly on the HSBB market going forward. This is positive for the sector but we may see some canibalisation of UniFi. UniFi is at an advantage thanks to its affordable pricing but slow rollout. Maxis, may capitalize on its sister company Astro and will probably gain more interests amongst customers.
Ok. After allll that, I continues my house-hunting project. It really aint easy I tell you. First of all, they ended up asking me, "bumi' or "non-bumi"? that irritates the hell out of me. Well, I dont believe in that. A Malaysian is a Malaysian. Period. What Bumi? Ish. So yea. And then, it got intense. I told mommy about my plans and, "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" i got shot!!
From left, right, back front top bottom u name it. She mustve covered all angles of which I always managed to have an answer in return. Then, her reply would sound "Yea, you're the smart one right? You're the analyst" Ouch! I am sure that was sarcasm. Even Stevie Wonder could see that I'm the least smart in the family. Oh well.
I am turning 27 you know. i NEED a sense of accomplishment. And ownership. As of now, I have nothing. Except for my car. So yea, It was emotional. I cried and cried and practically sobbed my conversation over with mom. It was hard. She didnt understand why I needed to get a house. Not solely for moving out. Just so I could feel something. Like I have and own something. Thats it. It aint easy. I am turning 27 in a month and 10 days time. My love life aint going anywhere. Not that Im looking. Its just that I need to buy a house. Period. I am not even expecting them to get me one. Oh page, I hope you get where im coming from right?
So, guess what the temporary comclusion is? I was told to buy my dad's condo. My bachelor pad. One that I couldnt afford seriously. I dont know. I feel lost. Ive never been more confused in my life right now. I need Allah to give me the strength in deciding. This is a commitment. I know.
And then, I was summoned to have lunch with Datuk Tony Tiah along with Li Hsia and Patricia. It was also unexpected. Boss told us at like 9am? It was pleasant. Of course I was nervous as hell. I had "Oh crap! Was i caught facebooking during ofc hours?" "what did i do?" "shoot shoot shoot". Apparently Datuk just wanted to tap our minds on plans for the company. What do we see ourselves in for the future? More like strategy planning. Phew. What a relief. But it was really nice.
Anyway, who knows whats gonna happen later today huh? We have another 8 hours till the day ends. Emotionally, I dont thin kI can handle anymore. Enough as it is. Im dry. Im tired. Lets hope for a better half a day today.
xoxo
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
.
Its been a tiring month altogether. Not December per se. Just the past 30 days. I have been entangled with a lot of issues surrounding me. Seriously, I cant have any more crisis next week, my schedule is full. Having said that, I believe, my miscalculation of steps was partially attributed by low energy level no thanks to inadequate sleep.
I lost some balance in the midst of things. I will need to recover from this tiredness. I feel weak. Really weak. I have trouble waking up in the morning, for like almost everyday. I have been late to work since last week. This is not good, at all. First, it was also physical. I have been running. Or walking. And I have been cutting down on sleep. My average sleeping hours daily are like 3-5hours. This only points to 3-5 hours lack of sleep per day thus, my lethargy. Hence, I have been cranky, snappy and overly emotional. It also doesnt help the fact that I mistook things that were not supposed to be misunderstood. That was a great mistake. Probably a grave one.
I got used to having someone's company, someone I enjoy talking to, sharing with. And this is a person, I should have kept at arms length from the very beginning. The relationship already had clauses that were practically crystal clear with huge disclaimers probably painted in bright red. How could I have missed that sign? Oh I didnt. I decided to go against it. Well, just like the O&G industry, "exploration stage" may either bring you great returns of untapped resources or crap. I got the latter. So, now I have none. No more conversation with this particular person. Or most likely, no more contact.
What can I say? I am good at ruining things. Which is why mommy freaked upon discovering the issue. She was right. I should have handled my expectations better. Which I didnt. Whose fault is that? No one but mine. I am tired now. Tired of weeks of excitement over surprise messages, or calls. Now, it is certain. Probably engraved in stone. I screwed up. But then again, why should I be upset over this? That was basically expected of me. Maybe too, I am disappointed for not surprising myself. Always the rule, never the exception. He is just not that into me? No. He is just NOT into me. Period. Miscalculation? Spot on.
Take a breather. Move on. Easier said than done. But I will bounce back. I always do. No matter how deep I cut myself. It heals. Time heals? Maybe. I dont know. It will work out, one way or another. Insyaallah.
I lost some balance in the midst of things. I will need to recover from this tiredness. I feel weak. Really weak. I have trouble waking up in the morning, for like almost everyday. I have been late to work since last week. This is not good, at all. First, it was also physical. I have been running. Or walking. And I have been cutting down on sleep. My average sleeping hours daily are like 3-5hours. This only points to 3-5 hours lack of sleep per day thus, my lethargy. Hence, I have been cranky, snappy and overly emotional. It also doesnt help the fact that I mistook things that were not supposed to be misunderstood. That was a great mistake. Probably a grave one.
I got used to having someone's company, someone I enjoy talking to, sharing with. And this is a person, I should have kept at arms length from the very beginning. The relationship already had clauses that were practically crystal clear with huge disclaimers probably painted in bright red. How could I have missed that sign? Oh I didnt. I decided to go against it. Well, just like the O&G industry, "exploration stage" may either bring you great returns of untapped resources or crap. I got the latter. So, now I have none. No more conversation with this particular person. Or most likely, no more contact.
What can I say? I am good at ruining things. Which is why mommy freaked upon discovering the issue. She was right. I should have handled my expectations better. Which I didnt. Whose fault is that? No one but mine. I am tired now. Tired of weeks of excitement over surprise messages, or calls. Now, it is certain. Probably engraved in stone. I screwed up. But then again, why should I be upset over this? That was basically expected of me. Maybe too, I am disappointed for not surprising myself. Always the rule, never the exception. He is just not that into me? No. He is just NOT into me. Period. Miscalculation? Spot on.
Take a breather. Move on. Easier said than done. But I will bounce back. I always do. No matter how deep I cut myself. It heals. Time heals? Maybe. I dont know. It will work out, one way or another. Insyaallah.
Monday, December 13, 2010
A new year
Back from Shanghai last week. And it was the start of the Islamic year. Awal Muharram. So I guess this is when I need to reconstruct my life, to be a better person, InsyaAllah. 2010 has been interesting. I wouldnt say it was my best year. It started pretty bleak but yes, it turned out to be quite a roller coaster ride after all.
And now it is about to end. How fast time flies. And it also means that Im turning a year older soon. That is one of the downside of being a January baby. But im not complaining. Alhamdulilah. I can safely say I am content with what I have right now. On my birthday next year, I will be emotional. As usual. Another year passes by and my goals remain as goals.
I need to step up now. Need to change gears. Improve on things that could use some changes.So InsyaAllah I would like to buy a house. That is probably the next step for me now. No more irresponsible shopping and travelling. Yes, I love travelling. But guess what? I'm spending all my money on trips so I could live in a fantasy/dreamland for a week or so, an esacpism from reality. Back in reality, I have nothing. That is sad.
So yea, since marriage is miles away, lets not even think of kids. A house is probably easier. Yes, with or without you, im buying. Thanks Daddy, for demotivating but I am sure this time. Insyaallah.
Life has been pretty tangled this past one week. I need to be off the grid for a bit. Stay out. Need some clarity. Probably driving around helps. And Im so tired. Tired of making people feel better. Tired of being the shoulders. Or the ears. Its been three weeks. Its not that Im being insensitive. I need my s p a c e. Seriously, I have issues to u know, and u are not the centre of the universe. I feel you. I do. Im tired. Thats it. And I work long hours. Please understand where Im coming from.
Dear, I sounded like a bitch there. This sucks. At least no one knows about my blog. And I just realized I posted the blog address on my twitter account. That was at the start when I thought this blog was only for KLSE-related posts. Mustve gotten sidetracked. Now I have removed it. Phew.
And I saw sofea yesterday. That was nice. She is the centre of my universe right now. And I feel loved with her. When she smiles at me, and wants me to carry her. Bliss.
And now it is about to end. How fast time flies. And it also means that Im turning a year older soon. That is one of the downside of being a January baby. But im not complaining. Alhamdulilah. I can safely say I am content with what I have right now. On my birthday next year, I will be emotional. As usual. Another year passes by and my goals remain as goals.
I need to step up now. Need to change gears. Improve on things that could use some changes.So InsyaAllah I would like to buy a house. That is probably the next step for me now. No more irresponsible shopping and travelling. Yes, I love travelling. But guess what? I'm spending all my money on trips so I could live in a fantasy/dreamland for a week or so, an esacpism from reality. Back in reality, I have nothing. That is sad.
So yea, since marriage is miles away, lets not even think of kids. A house is probably easier. Yes, with or without you, im buying. Thanks Daddy, for demotivating but I am sure this time. Insyaallah.
Life has been pretty tangled this past one week. I need to be off the grid for a bit. Stay out. Need some clarity. Probably driving around helps. And Im so tired. Tired of making people feel better. Tired of being the shoulders. Or the ears. Its been three weeks. Its not that Im being insensitive. I need my s p a c e. Seriously, I have issues to u know, and u are not the centre of the universe. I feel you. I do. Im tired. Thats it. And I work long hours. Please understand where Im coming from.
Dear, I sounded like a bitch there. This sucks. At least no one knows about my blog. And I just realized I posted the blog address on my twitter account. That was at the start when I thought this blog was only for KLSE-related posts. Mustve gotten sidetracked. Now I have removed it. Phew.
And I saw sofea yesterday. That was nice. She is the centre of my universe right now. And I feel loved with her. When she smiles at me, and wants me to carry her. Bliss.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Shanghai Curse
Going to Shanghai tomorrow. Ending the year where I started. I have butterflies. Probably because I havent traveled in ages and I sooo need a break. And I am hoping I could stop being stupid. I hope this trip will wake me up. My life is lagging. I need a push. Hmmm now thats bad. Im putting way too much hope on my trip. And it might disappoint me. Sigh. This is what I do. Put myself in situations where I can get hurt. Haish. OK OK no expectations. Shop till i drop. Literally.
Nisaa wanted famous amos. boleh tak? so i bought her three packs of 200gms. That should do it i think. I mean, seriously, how much can one eat anyway?Oh and they have H&M. hehehhehe aduhhhaaaiii there goes :(
so yea..back to my thing.I was so busy this week. Seriously. I havent had a proper sleep in days now. But its ok I guess. Thats what happens to me during peak seasons. I lose sleep. And OMG i was so bitchy today! Cause I am tired. Busy, stressed and under pressure. And i hate those who dont get their facts right! seriously dude. Get your facts right. Ish. Kan tak pasal2 my bitchiness keluar. But I feel bad after that. Tu la kan. Buat tak fikir. Main sound je org.
OK bye bye pad. See you when I get back insyaAllah. Kalau panjang umur ya. Kalau tak, this would be my last entry. Sigh. InsyaAllah Panjang umur. Amin. And murah rezeki. hehehheh
toodles.
eh Assalamualaikum
Nisaa wanted famous amos. boleh tak? so i bought her three packs of 200gms. That should do it i think. I mean, seriously, how much can one eat anyway?Oh and they have H&M. hehehhehe aduhhhaaaiii there goes :(
so yea..back to my thing.I was so busy this week. Seriously. I havent had a proper sleep in days now. But its ok I guess. Thats what happens to me during peak seasons. I lose sleep. And OMG i was so bitchy today! Cause I am tired. Busy, stressed and under pressure. And i hate those who dont get their facts right! seriously dude. Get your facts right. Ish. Kan tak pasal2 my bitchiness keluar. But I feel bad after that. Tu la kan. Buat tak fikir. Main sound je org.
OK bye bye pad. See you when I get back insyaAllah. Kalau panjang umur ya. Kalau tak, this would be my last entry. Sigh. InsyaAllah Panjang umur. Amin. And murah rezeki. hehehheh
toodles.
eh Assalamualaikum
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The end is the beginning is the end
Nothing. I fell nothing. Except that I dread the fact I will have to doll myself up for hen-dinner for Nuha tonight. I mean, I dont mind. I usually love getting all dolled up for an occasion. But after today's event... I feel tired. Abang is sick. He has a bad fever. It breaks my heart to see him like that.
After that, I faced reality. Just like Karma, Reality's a bitch. Karma bites hard. Reality on the other hand, gives you honey-glazed with venom. Ambek kau, After the sweet and lovely feeling the poison starts to kick in. Very slowly.
Oh well. One should pay the price for one's own actions.
After that, I faced reality. Just like Karma, Reality's a bitch. Karma bites hard. Reality on the other hand, gives you honey-glazed with venom. Ambek kau, After the sweet and lovely feeling the poison starts to kick in. Very slowly.
Oh well. One should pay the price for one's own actions.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Stupid love songs
When you're down... and depressed.probably heartbroken..what would you do? Would you:
a)sit and mop all the day
b)go out and spend as much time with friends
c)listen to sad depressing songs
d)eat?work out?shop?
Well, a close friend of mine is that state.. I wish I could help reduce or lessen her pain.. I dont know if im giving her the right advise to begin with.. I mean... Im bad with relationships..thats why none has ever worked out for me.. I'd call in and check on her.. I would try to distract her by talking about stupid things... but i could hear her mind distracted... I would listen to her.. but I think only time will heal.. Their problem is fixable. I believe so. I have the song "everything's gonna be alright" going on in my head when I think about it. i hate breakups. I hate seeing people sad. Well, especially if theyre my friends. Or even people I know. And I guess its the maternal/motherlyinstinct in me that wanna help her sooo badly. I dont know. I hope I'm doing it right.
Life...is crazy. Yes. Its full of ups and downs. But..its amazing how they tend to work out after huge f***ups. But the happily ever after needs effort. And time. and perseverance. and tolerance and compromise. Nothing good will stay good forever unless good efforts are being put on. if its amazing, it shouldnt be easy, they say.
Its also funny how some people, can change overnight. I always wondered what kind of transformation they go through during the night or at least 12-hours prior. When its LOVE we're talking about, I dont know how anyone, could just fall out of in such a short period of time. I mean, its not that I take ages to recover, but Im amazed how you can do it overnight. Well, maybe, thats when they figure things out. Things mustve bottled up over time.
My cousin, too recently went through a bad break up. Left hanging in the unknown. Id get all protective and sisterly cause Im older. But seriously... women shouldnt date boys. They should date men. A real man. Although yes, you'd wanna quote Marilyn Monroe's "If you cant handle me at my worst then you dont deserve me at my best"...seriously, everything takes effort. If your partner has an issue on something about you...'compromise' suggests that you should look into it and try something.. not changing for them per se.. but if change means 'for the better' then why the hell not?
Relationships scare the hell out of me. I believe in true love with a soulmate. Someone you are so comfortable with. The thought of that person would put a smile on your face. Listening to a stupid cheesy love song would remind you of that person. Talking and after-effect of talking floats you about. Never having to worry about running out of words to say cause it never runs dry. Never having to worry if you're no1 or no2. Cause you're always each other's no1. You put each other at peace.
Well, thats what I think. Maybe im dreaming. Reality is different i guess. Life is no sugar&spice. Maybe I will never find "MY NEO" cause no one may ever love me for me. And accept me. I dont know. Im too tired to try. Hence, I avoid getting to know people, especially with the intentions of getting to know me.
i love you babe. And im sorry this is happening to you. I pray to Allah swt to lessen your pain. And to give you clarity. And to patch up your marriage. Insyallah. Amin.
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