Shut the Book

Time: 2118
Date: November 24th 2010

I am currently at my pad on Jalan Tun Razak. Came back early, about 1800hours. Was stuck in traffic. Nothing new there. I underperformed today. I only completed my results note on Axiata at 1730. My head hurts like mad today, no thanks to insufficient sleep. Nothing new there either. KFC results, well, as expected, was only released at 1930.

I managed to run for 30minutes or so. Jane called while I was running. We were planning Nuha's bachelorette dinner/tea this weekend. Came out with Plan A, which was supposed to be Plan B cause the original Plan A had to be canceled. Thanks to Daddy. So it might be Bisou. Or it might not. We never came out with a Plan B or C cause Jane loved Plan A (then B) so much. Ok im confusing myself now.

Running felt good. Its been a week since I last ran. Sometimes I wonder, am I running towards something - or running away from something. See? These are the kind of things that make me lose my precious sleeping time at night. But in the shower, I had an epiphany. Today, I am running away. Its good I guess. Sometimes running away solve problems.

I am running from my mistake. Made tons of them in my previous life. Still making tons of them today. Sometimes we learn things the hard way. And yet, we keep on repeating them. Thinking, it may be different this time. Or, maybe it wont be so hard this time. And sometimes, Im aware of committing that "crime" but kept on with it. Just to see how long I'd last, or how inelastic I should be by now.

This is the point where, I should shut the book close. Once and for all. Well, I've said that like five times in the span of two weeks. How pathetic is that? Its stupidity that led me to where I am now anyway. Maybe, writing about it would help me get clarity. Or maybe it'd just get me more confused. Ahhh grammar shmammar. I dont care. Yea we should respect grammar but at this point, this exact moment, I really dont give a care.

Should I apologize? Hmmm done that many times too. And yet, I still havent digested that my karma-turn-around-time is really short. Damn short. Or much too short. Yes, treat others the way you'd want to be. Karma is a bitch that bites. She bites hard.

Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Normally, when I'm feeling this depressed, I'd either, a)shop, b)get a hair wash depending on my depression scale of 1-10 with 10 being utterly gutted and that means a cut, c)drive as fast as I could. Option C is reckless I know. Not that I'm a typical lady-driver anyway. Daddy says I'm a "driver from hell". Hmmm my respond would be "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree"... Sigh. But I guess adrenaline rush mitigates depression. Shopping too gives me a rush. Hehhehehe


Dont get me wrong, I hate shopping. Honest to God. Wallahi. I'm an impulsive shopper. I go, see, like, buy. Done.I dont come back or think it over.I know what I like and want and I get them. Easy.

Honestly, I'm tired. Its a Catch-22 situation. Going around in circles. Same script, different actors. Heh, that's like Malaysia's political scene. Hehehhe...Cant beat 'em join 'em aye?

TBC-off to get laundry from the dryer upstairs. And clothes to fold. :D xoxo