................

I hate.

Busted

Oh crap. Someone found out about my blog. Yikes. And I was caught talking about that specific person whose name I should not mention.

Anyway, I dont think its such a bad thing anyway. Assuming this person is one of the important people in my life. So yea.

Having said all that, IF in the remotest possibility that you are reading this, which I dont think you might given the fact that I said I havent written in ages which would imply that I may or may not be writing much... This aint really a blog. Its like a journal. Its not private cause one day I might forget my password at least I get to view it. Hmmmm... And its just me spilling my errr guts out?

I mean, really? Would you wanna hear my rambling about what is going on in my life anyway? So yea. I'd guess not. This is where i SOMETIME ramble my thoughts. Come to think of it, IF you are one of the important person in my life, wouldn't it just be logical for you to actually listen to me ramble? I mean... For me to talk about my day to... About my ups and downs...


Shit.

Now it got me to thinking. That is right. Absolutely right.I guess we have been fairly distant. Despite seeing each other everyday, we don't speak to each other. OMG. Now I feel lonely. I am trying to recall. The time when we used to speak over the phone. And asks each other about our day.

Now.. there is no more, calling just to say I miss you, and obviously no more I love yous. I'm having cramps as I type. Its me who hasn't seen it I guess. The only I Love Yous are replies which were swallowed when uttered. There isnt even a Bye anymore.

Probably I am asking for too much. I dont know. We're gonna talk on Thursday. I should keep an open mind. Perhaps. Insyaallah.

If this post is busted too...then.. fairwell blog.

I have been thinking about you. I just forgot how to log in... I am using the old laptop now actually. Cause I kinda put it on bookmark. Its not on my Macbook. :(

Till then...

Abuse

Abuse comes in many forms. Physical, mental, emotional...

Why am I putting up with this?

Grrrrr

I dont know this feeling! I hate it!!!!! Why do I have to go through this? I dont like it not one bit. Maybe I should make a decision. Like pronto!

I smell fish. Or fishes. Anyway, what can i say? I cant say much now can I? Grrrrr i will roar once i get pushed over my limits.

I feel like screaming now. I do. I hate uncertainties. It makes me feel like crap. Sigh.

Till then.
:'(

Hey Square One! Again!

Since my last post, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Daily fights that is causing major distractions and recurrent heartaches. We're not gonna make it. In fact, it ended last night. Despite everything that happened, I miss him greatly. That is normal I guess. Insyaallah I'll be fine. I am so weak right now. I am vulnerable. I am in a lot of pain. Emotionally. Mentally. And physically tired. I'm knackered.

At least we tried. With both hands and feet. Its just that I wasnt what he desired. Thus, I dont see the point in trying to make things work when they just aren't. Its probably like fixing a broken glass. The flaws and cracks will always be seen, and yet it is still susceptible to just shatter in pieces. Or in other words, just like an unstable chemical, that may lead to explosion.

I am not ok.

i love it when we're cruisin' together...

Back again. Anyway, I am on Cloud9. And I am happy. Alhamdulillah. Although, yes I need adjusting. Its probably not gonna be an easy ride. But I am ready to try. Since I have..hmmm.. leaped? Leaped into this relationship with the person who is making me smile while typing :)

I am glad he is making this easy, for the both of us. Like I said, it should be easy. No games. No beating around the bush etc. I'm loving every second of what I'm feeling right now. Although, hmmm... talks about future does give me goosebumps but I am slowly accepting the idea. Insyaallah.

I dont know where we're headed. But we're on our way. :) May have stolen that from someone. hahahahah But i mean it. Ok thats all for now. I am missing him soooo very much right now. Cant wait to see him soon.

xoxo

Just the way you are

Pressure. Its kicking in now. I guess this love is not easy after all. Maybe, just maybe, it will end before we even realize it.

Often times... hate is more genuine than love. Self explanatory.
Why am I sad? Well, the fact that the word "love" means very little to some. Easy come, easy go.

I have been running away from all this crap. Right back where I started. Maybe, there is something about me that triggers him off so easily. I will drive him away, eventually. What is the point anymore. Really. Manage expectations. That is easier said than done.

Maybe I am not in love too. Its crazy. This is crazy. I'm digging my own grave.

I always bounce back. Each time it hurts less, I guess. I should stay numb.

Till then.

k a n g e n

Aduhai. Ive been listening to sappy love songs now. Sigh.Not Again! hahaahha anyway, feeling is good. For now. Insyaallah it'll be great all the way through. Missing someone badly is soooo not easy.

I know I need to rationalize things. Dont get too carried away. I must remember, even water runs dry.Love can too. I hope its not just infatuation. I hope the feelings are real. Ive always believed that love should be easy. No games. No problems. No draining of emotions. And Im glad I found someone who thinks and feels the sme way as I do.

Yes. I am terrified of commitments. Its not that Im not ready to get married and all. Its just that shit happens a lot back then when marriage was on the platter. What Im having with him now, has no pressure on me. I dont know where this might lead us to. But I hope its to a good place. Im tired of relationships. But Im loving every second of it. I may get bitten in the ass. I dont know. And like I said, I always always learn things the hard way.

Now Im adding pressure to myself. Rationalize. Sigh. I am falling for him. Hopefully not too fast than I can manage. He is different. Just sad that I have turned into this stonecold b**** no thanks to my past experience. But Im adjusting.

I miss you sayang. Like maaaddddness. Anyway, cant wait to see him next Monday :( a week from today. I rally wish we'll do great and I wont need to delete this post.

xoxo

Im back mate!

Just got back from Gold Coast. Trip was alright. Of course we had Sofea for the whole 4 days which was fun! heheheh... but it rained almost everyday there. That sucked. We ended up shopping more hehehehe not complaining but would have loved to see more surfers and sun and sand :D

Didnt take that many photos though. Hmmm maybe this wasnt a camwhoring trip hahahaha... i took photos, just not of myself..thats a change. Anyway, I went to Movieworld. That was fun. Went on all the rides there and then it started drizzling. Potong stim la weyyy!!!! hahahaha rempits

We only went for 4 days. It was ok la. Enough damage la! I thnk I bought 27 dresses! ahhahaha scarrrryyyyy dont know what happened, really!

Anyway, I am smitten as hell now.

:D

xoxo

Its been a while

Yes.. It has been a while since i last posted anything up here. Seems kinda weird now. Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote.

I am still loving my space, alone. I enjoy it a lot. Oh did I mention I quit smoking? Hmmm... Well that took place after my surgery. I was sick waaaay too often for my own good and found out I had chronic sinusitis. So I actually made a promise to myself to quit smoking since I know my health was deteriorating before my eyes. So thats what I did. I quit on New Year's day. Right from 0000hours!
Insyaallah I will be able to go through this. Alhamdulillah it has been easy.

Anyway, I have been shishaing. If that helps. Hmmmm....In my defense, I do not inhale the vapour from shisha. I only like the sweet taste. And probably Im still addicted to blowing. Hmmmm

So what else is new here? I found a new hangout place. Its called Tajine. As selfish as I may sound, I like the fact that this place is quiet. Most of the time. I have privacy, WiFi, shisha, and excellent service. Prices here are also reasonable. I love it. Its a minute drive from my pad. Lovely.

I have been pretty busy with results. Well, its February. What do you expect huh? Most of the companies decided to release their results at the final week itself. Madness I tell you! I havent had enough sleep in ages. Or weeks. K la dramaqueen!!! heheheh

Tomorrow night I'll be off to Gold Coast. With my family! Can you believe it? We havent done this in agesss!! NOW thats a FACT!! The ONLY sole reason as to why we're going for a holiday is SOFEA! ehhehehe
oh Yeah! She turned 1 2 weeks back. What a delight! She is soooo smart!!! MasyaAllah. The cutest ever! Cant wait for the trip.

Anyway, I have a new song in my head that I kept repeating. "Your Heart is As Black As Night"...by Melody Gardot..
Cause your hands may be strong, and the feeling is all wrong..but your heart is as black as night..

Rock bottoming at year end

As mentioned previously, I have been on a house-hunting mission. It aint easy. Especially since I couldnt get the blessing from mommy. It was an emotional day for me on Wednesday. I sobbed and rubbed my eyes profusely. Yea I sound like a spoiled brat I know. But then again, its just so easy to judge me. Yes, what ever you see is practically just a show. What I want the world to see. Whatever and however I feel is not the concern of the world. That is between me and God.

Anyway, I rubbed my eyes which led to a tear. Not the contacts, but my eye. Left one. Pain as hell. And it was the colour red.Blood red. Not so glamorous. Haih. Since its an open wound, any exposure to lights would hurt like hell too.But Im good now. Alhamdulillah.

And yesterday, Abang had to go for a minor surgery at Prince Court. His sinus was really bad and blocked his whole system, on the right side i think. Chronic sinus. Way past acute. Alhamdulillah he is fine too now.

So yea, this is the year end. Things havent been great on my side. Despite all the holidays and travelling Ive been doing. So, in conclusion, I havent found that happiness yet. Not in travelling nor shopping. I guess, on hindsight, travelling is my way of escaping reality. Living a few days in a dream. Then, when I come back, reality hits me hard, in the face.

Ive had a tough year. A challenging one. Not that it should be easy. But it was not all a happy one. I cant say I cant wait for 2011 so I could start fresh. Im scared as hell Im gonna ruin it again. And history repeats. Life goes on. What can I say? That is just the system. Take a breather. Put it all behind me.

Life is a journey they say. I am going through it now. So yea. Its been rocky. I just want a meaningful and fulfilling life. Insyaallah. Ameen

A day indeed

Today has been a pretty weird day. Well, I came to work with an unexpected Telco report thanks to TM and Maxis' announcement last night. The announcement was mainly a pact between these two telcos on TM providing last mile access for HSBB to Maxis. Hence, Maxis is coming out with something similar to TM's triple play-UniFi. The clause of the agreement I believe suggests that Maxis is expected to add more value as compared to TM's UniFi thus, no direct competition.

This is positive for TM cause it will boost earnings from Wholesale business as it is also servicing YTL's YES!. Having said that, TM will not have a monopoly on the HSBB market going forward. This is positive for the sector but we may see some canibalisation of UniFi. UniFi is at an advantage thanks to its affordable pricing but slow rollout. Maxis, may capitalize on its sister company Astro and will probably gain more interests amongst customers.

Ok. After allll that, I continues my house-hunting project. It really aint easy I tell you. First of all, they ended up asking me, "bumi' or "non-bumi"? that irritates the hell out of me. Well, I dont believe in that. A Malaysian is a Malaysian. Period. What Bumi? Ish. So yea. And then, it got intense. I told mommy about my plans and, "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" i got shot!!

From left, right, back front top bottom u name it. She mustve covered all angles of which I always managed to have an answer in return. Then, her reply would sound "Yea, you're the smart one right? You're the analyst" Ouch! I am sure that was sarcasm. Even Stevie Wonder could see that I'm the least smart in the family. Oh well.

I am turning 27 you know. i NEED a sense of accomplishment. And ownership. As of now, I have nothing. Except for my car. So yea, It was emotional. I cried and cried and practically sobbed my conversation over with mom. It was hard. She didnt understand why I needed to get a house. Not solely for moving out. Just so I could feel something. Like I have and own something. Thats it. It aint easy. I am turning 27 in a month and 10 days time. My love life aint going anywhere. Not that Im looking. Its just that I need to buy a house. Period. I am not even expecting them to get me one. Oh page, I hope you get where im coming from right?

So, guess what the temporary comclusion is? I was told to buy my dad's condo. My bachelor pad. One that I couldnt afford seriously. I dont know. I feel lost. Ive never been more confused in my life right now. I need Allah to give me the strength in deciding. This is a commitment. I know.

And then, I was summoned to have lunch with Datuk Tony Tiah along with Li Hsia and Patricia. It was also unexpected. Boss told us at like 9am? It was pleasant. Of course I was nervous as hell. I had "Oh crap! Was i caught facebooking during ofc hours?" "what did i do?" "shoot shoot shoot". Apparently Datuk just wanted to tap our minds on plans for the company. What do we see ourselves in for the future? More like strategy planning. Phew. What a relief. But it was really nice.

Anyway, who knows whats gonna happen later today huh? We have another 8 hours till the day ends. Emotionally, I dont thin kI can handle anymore. Enough as it is. Im dry. Im tired. Lets hope for a better half a day today.

xoxo

.

Its been a tiring month altogether. Not December per se. Just the past 30 days. I have been entangled with a lot of issues surrounding me. Seriously, I cant have any more crisis next week, my schedule is full. Having said that, I believe, my miscalculation of steps was partially attributed by low energy level no thanks to inadequate sleep.

I lost some balance in the midst of things. I will need to recover from this tiredness. I feel weak. Really weak. I have trouble waking up in the morning, for like almost everyday. I have been late to work since last week. This is not good, at all. First, it was also physical. I have been running. Or walking. And I have been cutting down on sleep. My average sleeping hours daily are like 3-5hours. This only points to 3-5 hours lack of sleep per day thus, my lethargy. Hence, I have been cranky, snappy and overly emotional. It also doesnt help the fact that I mistook things that were not supposed to be misunderstood. That was a great mistake. Probably a grave one.

I got used to having someone's company, someone I enjoy talking to, sharing with. And this is a person, I should have kept at arms length from the very beginning. The relationship already had clauses that were practically crystal clear with huge disclaimers probably painted in bright red. How could I have missed that sign? Oh I didnt. I decided to go against it. Well, just like the O&G industry, "exploration stage" may either bring you great returns of untapped resources or crap. I got the latter. So, now I have none. No more conversation with this particular person. Or most likely, no more contact.

What can I say? I am good at ruining things. Which is why mommy freaked upon discovering the issue. She was right. I should have handled my expectations better. Which I didnt. Whose fault is that? No one but mine. I am tired now. Tired of weeks of excitement over surprise messages, or calls. Now, it is certain. Probably engraved in stone. I screwed up. But then again, why should I be upset over this? That was basically expected of me. Maybe too, I am disappointed for not surprising myself. Always the rule, never the exception. He is just not that into me? No. He is just NOT into me. Period. Miscalculation? Spot on.

Take a breather. Move on. Easier said than done. But I will bounce back. I always do. No matter how deep I cut myself. It heals. Time heals? Maybe. I dont know. It will work out, one way or another. Insyaallah.

A new year

Back from Shanghai last week. And it was the start of the Islamic year. Awal Muharram. So I guess this is when I need to reconstruct my life, to be a better person, InsyaAllah. 2010 has been interesting. I wouldnt say it was my best year. It started pretty bleak but yes, it turned out to be quite a roller coaster ride after all.

And now it is about to end. How fast time flies. And it also means that Im turning a year older soon. That is one of the downside of being a January baby. But im not complaining. Alhamdulilah. I can safely say I am content with what I have right now. On my birthday next year, I will be emotional. As usual. Another year passes by and my goals remain as goals.

I need to step up now. Need to change gears. Improve on things that could use some changes.So InsyaAllah I would like to buy a house. That is probably the next step for me now. No more irresponsible shopping and travelling. Yes, I love travelling. But guess what? I'm spending all my money on trips so I could live in a fantasy/dreamland for a week or so, an esacpism from reality. Back in reality, I have nothing. That is sad.

So yea, since marriage is miles away, lets not even think of kids. A house is probably easier. Yes, with or without you, im buying. Thanks Daddy, for demotivating but I am sure this time. Insyaallah.

Life has been pretty tangled this past one week. I need to be off the grid for a bit. Stay out. Need some clarity. Probably driving around helps. And Im so tired. Tired of making people feel better. Tired of being the shoulders. Or the ears. Its been three weeks. Its not that Im being insensitive. I need my s p a c e. Seriously, I have issues to u know, and u are not the centre of the universe. I feel you. I do. Im tired. Thats it. And I work long hours. Please understand where Im coming from.

Dear, I sounded like a bitch there. This sucks. At least no one knows about my blog. And I just realized I posted the blog address on my twitter account. That was at the start when I thought this blog was only for KLSE-related posts. Mustve gotten sidetracked. Now I have removed it. Phew.

And I saw sofea yesterday. That was nice. She is the centre of my universe right now. And I feel loved with her. When she smiles at me, and wants me to carry her. Bliss.

The Shanghai Curse

Going to Shanghai tomorrow. Ending the year where I started. I have butterflies. Probably because I havent traveled in ages and I sooo need a break. And I am hoping I could stop being stupid. I hope this trip will wake me up. My life is lagging. I need a push. Hmmm now thats bad. Im putting way too much hope on my trip. And it might disappoint me. Sigh. This is what I do. Put myself in situations where I can get hurt. Haish. OK OK no expectations. Shop till i drop. Literally.

Nisaa wanted famous amos. boleh tak? so i bought her three packs of 200gms. That should do it i think. I mean, seriously, how much can one eat anyway?Oh and they have H&M. hehehhehe aduhhhaaaiii there goes :(

so yea..back to my thing.I was so busy this week. Seriously. I havent had a proper sleep in days now. But its ok I guess. Thats what happens to me during peak seasons. I lose sleep. And OMG i was so bitchy today! Cause I am tired. Busy, stressed and under pressure. And i hate those who dont get their facts right! seriously dude. Get your facts right. Ish. Kan tak pasal2 my bitchiness keluar. But I feel bad after that. Tu la kan. Buat tak fikir. Main sound je org.

OK bye bye pad. See you when I get back insyaAllah. Kalau panjang umur ya. Kalau tak, this would be my last entry. Sigh. InsyaAllah Panjang umur. Amin. And murah rezeki. hehehheh

toodles.
eh Assalamualaikum

The end is the beginning is the end

Nothing. I fell nothing. Except that I dread the fact I will have to doll myself up for hen-dinner for Nuha tonight. I mean, I dont mind. I usually love getting all dolled up for an occasion. But after today's event... I feel tired. Abang is sick. He has a bad fever. It breaks my heart to see him like that.

After that, I faced reality. Just like Karma, Reality's a bitch. Karma bites hard. Reality on the other hand, gives you honey-glazed with venom. Ambek kau, After the sweet and lovely feeling the poison starts to kick in. Very slowly.

Oh well. One should pay the price for one's own actions.

Stupid love songs

When you're down... and depressed.probably heartbroken..what would you do? Would you:

a)sit and mop all the day

b)go out and spend as much time with friends

c)listen to sad depressing songs

d)eat?work out?shop?

Well, a close friend of mine is that state.. I wish I could help reduce or lessen her pain.. I dont know if im giving her the right advise to begin with.. I mean... Im bad with relationships..thats why none has ever worked out for me.. I'd call in and check on her.. I would try to distract her by talking about stupid things... but i could hear her mind distracted... I would listen to her.. but I think only time will heal.. Their problem is fixable. I believe so. I have the song "everything's gonna be alright" going on in my head when I think about it. i hate breakups. I hate seeing people sad. Well, especially if theyre my friends. Or even people I know. And I guess its the maternal/motherlyinstinct in me that wanna help her sooo badly. I dont know. I hope I'm doing it right.

Life...is crazy. Yes. Its full of ups and downs. But..its amazing how they tend to work out after huge f***ups. But the happily ever after needs effort. And time. and perseverance. and tolerance and compromise. Nothing good will stay good forever unless good efforts are being put on. if its amazing, it shouldnt be easy, they say.

Its also funny how some people, can change overnight. I always wondered what kind of transformation they go through during the night or at least 12-hours prior. When its LOVE we're talking about, I dont know how anyone, could just fall out of in such a short period of time. I mean, its not that I take ages to recover, but Im amazed how you can do it overnight. Well, maybe, thats when they figure things out. Things mustve bottled up over time. 

My cousin, too recently went through a bad break up. Left hanging in the unknown. Id get all protective and sisterly cause Im older. But seriously... women shouldnt date boys. They should date men. A real man. Although yes, you'd wanna quote Marilyn Monroe's "If you cant handle me at my worst then you dont deserve me at my best"...seriously, everything takes effort. If your partner has an issue on something about you...'compromise' suggests that you should look into it and try something.. not changing for them per se.. but if change means 'for the better' then why the hell not?

Relationships scare the hell out of me. I believe in true love with a soulmate. Someone you are so comfortable with. The thought of that person would put a smile on your face. Listening to a stupid cheesy love song would remind you of that person. Talking and after-effect of talking floats you about. Never having to worry about running out of words to say cause it never runs dry. Never having to worry if you're no1 or no2. Cause you're always each other's no1. You put each other at peace. 

Well, thats what I think. Maybe im dreaming. Reality is different i guess. Life is no sugar&spice. Maybe I will never find "MY NEO" cause no one may ever love me for me. And accept me. I dont know. Im too tired to try. Hence, I avoid getting to know people, especially with the intentions of getting to know me. 

i love you babe. And im sorry this is happening to you. I pray to Allah swt to lessen your pain. And to give you clarity. And to patch up your marriage. Insyallah. Amin.

Crankyness

Friday. What a week! I am so tired. I thought if I could push myself running it would be easier to sleep. I was wrong. Aduhai... Slept at 2am i think? Well, the last time I checked my watch it was 0145ish... 

Managed to come out with KFC report this morning. Hehehhe my brains are faster in the morning I guess. See chart below :)

Anyway... I hope today will be a good day for me. I have TM results today and teleconference will be at 6pm. I hope I could run to the gym later before I head to Ampang. Or maybe, I could go back during lunch and run. Hmmmm... sounds like a solid plan. 

BIG trouble

Today, I was sent for a seminar at MSWG (Minority Shareholder Watch Group) on Investigative Audit and Forensic Accounting. Psycho huh? So anyway, in the middle of the course, I received an SMS from Steve, my senior. Kulim received an offer from a Washington-based company for the sale of QSR shares.

Double whammy. Their offer price is RM6.70, almost 15% more than Halim Saad's offer. Poor guy. He's been unsuccessful on bids and takeover this year. And seriously? KFC Malaysia is a cash cow. And why would we want an American to own that company? Hmmmm patriotism mode now. So yea... that only means I'm gonna be stuck with work tonight, again. And so much for time alone, mom is here at my pad. Dad is coming in a bit. He's gonna buy dinner and they're having it here. Sigh.

I havent even started my report. Thats because Im stuck. I dont know how or where to start. And Im exhausted. OK its partly my fault. Cause I pushed myself a wee bit too much today on the treadmill. I usually do 30mins but I did 60 today. And more rigorous. So, I am bound to be exhausted by now. Just when I need the sleep. And I cant.

I am stuck still. And im hungry. Cant think. Boo!

Hello Square One! We meet again!

Continuation from previous post...

Apparently I had ten more minutes until the dryer was done. Ceh. But I'm done folding etc. Ironing is a b****. Hehehhe... But it wasnt so bad.The dryer they have upstairs is super cool. No crinkles. Plan to buy one. But that thing costs like RM3000? I'm better off saving to buy a house.

Yes. Thats my plan. Some people say, "dream is free". That is correct. Well, I like to dream BIG. Might as well while I'm dreaming ey? Hmmm... Today, I did a lot of thinking. I did it all while listening in to Axiata's conference call, while writing the report, while sipping my coffee at Delicious, while running, driving...OK la the whole day.


I saw my ex's daughter's picture today. Yes. I know. Karma bites. But guess what? My niece is waaaayyy cuter and prettier. Good genes Alhamdulillah. Yes yes I might have ugly kids. But you know what? Since I dont plant for anyone I know to discover this blog anyway, I might as well just say it. He's an arse. And for as far as we were together, I was a nice person. I still am I think. Hmmm... lets see.. OK la kot. Better than HIM helloooo?

His name is, Mr HH. He is not good looking, although he was the most beautiful person I see when we were together. Thats just me. Im bias OK. But yea, he aint. But he has this thing...oh yea, a charming personality that blinded me from his other demons. OK look, Im not judgemental. Its just that, I dont go for looks. At all I tell you. In fact, I thought by going out with less-attractive men would probably be better for my ego. Ok that is selfish. But then, little did I know...

HH was a womanizer. He practically cheated on me by the third month of dating. And he was a compulsive liar too. He lied a lot. In fact, he even swore on his mother's life and lied. Back then, I thought I was ready for  a commitment. But I was dead wrong. Well, the guy was wrong. I just didnt fully grasp the true meaning of a marriage. Now I do. Alhamdulillah. Im glad WE didnt work out.

The relationship lasted like...14-15months? A year-ish as I recall. But it felt like 10 years. Cheating was constant. Lying and all. Whats worst is that, he'd beat me up too. The stupid one here is actually me. For staying that long. And then, after we FINALLY broke up, this is after my friends threatened they would no longer be my friends if i stayed with them, and after digesting the fact that my parents no longer support our relationship, and after, I got the job at TA Research. My job saved my life practically. So I'm eternally indebted to you, dear job. Hehheheh no la...To Allah swt. Thank you Allah.

After the break up, HH tried to get back and when he realized he couldnt, he tried blackmailing me. Well, resorted to something I never thought I'd succumb to. I went down. Way down. Nearly his level. For the first time ever, I insulted him. I realized that could probably work. And it did. He was shocked and told me that he was gonna tell his mom everything i said. That was the end of it. Im glad.

But guess what? He was sooo worried that I was gonna find a nice guy and marry him. OMG seriously? He put me off men for a very long time. I still have terrible anxiety when I date other guys. Anxious that it wont be another HH.Then I realized, he is the only one like that. He's a weird case. Glad its over.

Oh and he got married on my birthday. So basically, he'll be celebrating his anniversary on my birthday. Hah. What an arse.But you know what? I dont even remember when his birthday is cause he aint worth my time. So, morale of the story is...seriously? Run when your instincts tell you to. As fast as you could. At least I know now that my instincts are never wrong.

I should know by now huh? Guess what? Back in square one. :(